At some point during the course of almost every day, most of us ask the question: “Can I do it?”—with “it” being anything we are thinking of doing. Starting a new business project or a new hobby. Trying to convince someone to do something or refrain from doing something. Meeting a deadline. Etc.
Depending on our beliefs, skills, and experience, sometimes we answer “yes,” but far too often we answer “no.”
Minimizing the influence of beliefs
I would like to suggest that—“Can I do it?”—is the wrong question. Frequently our beliefs (such as, I’m not capable or Nothing I do is good enough) lead us to conclude the answer is, “no,” when we actually have the skills, knowledge, and experience to accomplish whatever it is we are thinking of doing.
Obviously unlearning the beliefs would solve the problem and enable you to realize that you really can do much more than you assume you can do.
But there’s a technique you can use to minimize the impact of your beliefs in the meantime: Assume that whatever it is you want to do can be done and that you can do it. In other words, the question shouldn’t be, “Can I?”, but, “How can I?”
By asking “how” instead of asking “if,” your focus is on finding a way to achieve your goal instead of allowing your doubts and fears (caused by your beliefs and conditioning) to tell you that you can’t do it.
Even if you use my suggested question your beliefs can impede your ability to find a solution, but by bypassing the question of “Can I?, you minimize the power your beliefs have to sabotage you.
Make 2015 your best year ever
So here’s my suggestion to you for the new year: Whenever you find yourself asking “if” you can do something (anything at all), rephrase the question to assume you can do it and the only question is finding the best way to do it.
Write this phrase down and tape it to your computer and any other place you are likely to see it frequently during the day:
HOW can I (do whatever I want to do)?
If you happen to notice that you are using the “Can I? question, stop and immediately switch to the “How can I?” question.
After doing this for a week, please come back to this site and let me (and my readers) know how merely changing the wording of the question you ask yourself during the course of the day enabled you to achieve so much more than you had before.
Thanks for reading my blog. Please post your questions or comments on my suggestion to ask, “How can I?” instead of, “Can I?” Disagreement is as welcome as agreement. Your comments add value for thousands of readers. I love to read them all and I will respond to as many as I can.
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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to our interactive online belief-unlearning program where you can unlearn several limiting beliefs free.
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Copyright © 2014 Morty Lefkoe
Dear Morty
now at this moment i eliminate one of my believes :” if i make mistake I can’t handle it.” i have been feeling of sabotage by something when i have wanted to try a new thing. feeling of afraid in gut level was there.
but it is now so calm and peace full if i have a situation that i can fail , because i know, there is a way that i can handle it.
many thanks , so much….. a lot of thanks again and again.
Morty,
A brilliant post: How can? vs can? !!! As with Abraham Lincoln, great speeches (blog posts) do not have to be lengthy to be powerful. Thanks so much!!
Bill N
This is BY FAR the most empowering post I’ve read in a very long while. I can start acting on the insights right off the bat. No need to think any processes through… It’s all right before my eyes. Just reading the texts I can feel the empowerment it gives running through my me.
Thanks Morty for doing it again.
Morty,
Thanks for changing the game once again; starting today I’m going to use this question and see what happens.
Happy Holidays to you your family,
Lauren
Here’s a great article which suggest using the phrase “might” instead of “can. Thoughts? http://www.lifehacker.co.uk/2014/05/15/ask-might-solve-problems-creatively
Using the question “How can I do this?” in this form may or may not bring up the objections “Can I?” or even “Should I?”, depending on the determination and confidence a person has. Saying “How might I do this?” could give way to more creative answers depending on who is asking. We also tend to ask “Can I…?” when we are already in a powerless state that this question reflects and going downhill is virtually guaranteed. Now what we need is not to just ask empowering questions, such as “How can I do it?”, but to first snap ourselves out of that negative state that created the question that is not supporting us, so that we can not just start asking the empowering alternatives, but gain clarity of what our outcome is. And from that state of clarity we can realize that we don`t need the possible inefficient or disempowering answers that might come especially when using the word “might” in our question but to come up with the MOST empowering answers possible that are in line with our desired outcome. That`s why, if we have a need for fun and growth for example, we could ask a question like “How can I get this done in a way that gives me the greatest amount of joy and excitement while learning something new from it?”, doesn`t this sound more empowering and conscious? You can form the question differently if in the moment your dominant needs are certainty and significance for example, like this: “How can I do this in a way that ensures I`ll stay safe and in control while I am being appreciated for what I am doing?” – you get the point. Tony Robbins is the master of this, but you won`t find this information lying around unless you do a course or two with him. I hope this was helpful, bless you and Merry Christmas to you all!
Absolutely! Another classic insight that is deceptively innocuous at first glance, and increasingly powerful with a few repetitions. You might say that this is the Neuro Linguistic equivalent of the discovery of fire.
Another shift is from, “Do I want to do that?” to “How would I most enjoy (prefer, etc) doing that?”
Of course my problem is settling on one trick. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage from a few of them; most of my insights get lost in the cascade.
In our house, I was conditioned to think “I can’;t afford it”. Whatever IT was. My wife and I have changed this thinking to “How CAN i afford it?” when relating to a worthwhile investment. By asking how can I,… we have found creative ways to buy several lake properties and rental homes.
“How can I…”? is powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this inspirational insight…
These bits of wisdom are great.
Great perception.
Also, the word and question, “Why?”
If you ask yourself the “why” question the majority of time your subconscious answers in the negative.
Why can’t I do this?
Why don’t I have a loving friend?
Why can’t I get a good job?
The subconscious is so powerful it can provide hundreds of reasons to justify the negative.
Why can’t I get a good job?
Answer from the Sub conscious: “Because you are no good, no work experience, have bad attitude etc. etc.”
So the most effective question is not “Why,” but again, “How can I?”
With Love and Peace
Roger
“Why” gets a bad rap.
The difference is where you point it. Why did you give up? Because it’s too hard. Why did you persevere? Because I think I can do it. Because there’s other people who have, and it will be well worth the couple false starts (more commonly known by the condemning curse-label, ‘Failure’). Because I’ve got a good feeling about it. It’s worth it, and you haven’t shown me anything to say otherwise- yes, there’s a delay, but all things play out over time, good and bad.
In fact, if you catch somebody doing something you like, ask them why. They’ll justify it, you’ll agree that’s a good reason, and you’ll have a reason to use the next time you ask them to do the same thing! And the funny thing: the reason they give doesn’t have to be the real reason! Sometimes we give a better reason, and then run with it! That’s good too… Why did I give the beggar money? Well, because I care about my fellow man. Say, I was wondering, what were you saying about a food drive? (Maybe I was just embarrassed, paying him to go away, doesn’t matter. Once I thought about caring about my fellow man, I liked that motive and decided to pursue it. At that point, it became real!)
Wow! Thanks for the article! I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and self doubt as a writer lately because I have been asking myself “Can I use blank topics for this section of my book?”
It’s clear to me now after seeing this at work in my life that this “How can I” question makes so much more sense for me as a writer. Keep up the great work, Mr. Lefkoe :)!
Hi Morty,thankyou for your insight on the subject of beliefs.Asking how can I?… feels more empowering.
Ive been wanting to leave my husband for some time now,asking,can I do it?…..feeling guilty,and very confused.Have you any advice for being more decisive about it,I change my mind many times in a day,…yours thankfully,Rhoda
Rhoda, check out this great Ted talk on making hard decisions: http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices?language=en