You know something that I don’t – and if you’re willing to share it with me, I’ll return the favor and help you to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.
So here’s my question for you:
What’s the one area of your emotional life that you’d most like to improve?
It could be reducing fear, anger, and upsets, or handling grief… or dealing with any other emotional problem that’s a burning issue for you.
So take a minute to let me know by posting your answer below.
I’ll summarize the responses and let you know the results. And I’ll also create some blog posts that will address these critical topics and show you how to minimize the negative emotions in your life.
letting go of the past
everforward
not where I thought I would be at 50!
Hi Debbie,
The “past” isn’t the problem; the problem is the beliefs formed in the past that are running your life today. And it is possible to get rid of all those beliefs.
If you haven’t tried our site where you can eliminate a few of the most common negative beliefs without charge, go to http://recreateyourlife.com.
Love, Morty
I want to be free of guilt ,start to be very honest with my feelings ,be very open with people and just be myself .
I am depressed because I am scared of my boyfriend because there are things that he doesn’t know about me . He is so in love with me and I don’t want to destroy that happiness that he has because of me . I am so unhappy with my life . I know there is so much happiness so close to me but fear has gotten into me and here I am . I was such a happy person . Pleasing people ended up screwing my own head . People know me so well that if they insist that I will do eat , that their happiness matters more than mine . I am scared of words such as ‘ You broke my heart ” or ” I almost had a heart attack when you didn’t respond ” or ‘ I called you about ten times ” …and it goes on and on . Somebody help me ..I want a clean start and I want people to see and hear me say what I actually want to do .
Hi Jean,
It sounds to me like the biggest single problem you have is worrying what people think of you and trying to plese them.
We have a DVD package that we guarantee will eliminate that specific problem. Check it out and see if it looks like it would be useful. http://recreateyourlife.com/store/approval-seeking.php
Let me know if you have any more questions.
Regards, Morty
Envy.
I’m envious of qualities I think others have that I don’t, or I have less of. I’m envious of another’s high IQ, or high EQ, higher spiritual level or sometimes even talents. I’m envious of my peers’ achievements. I’m not envious of other people’s superficial beauty.
Hi Sophie,
Envy is usually caused by some form of powerlessness. (see my blog post tomorrow, August 3.)
The package that will most likely make a difference for you is Natural Confidence. check it out at http://recreateyourlife.com/store/natural-confidence.php
Let me know what you think.
If you have any specific questions, please let me know.
Regards, Morty
Dear Morty,
Thank you for believe eliminating system. Very Very helpfull and it is works.
One thing I still have that lives in me for all my life is
I have always felt ugly. No matter what I said, how much I forgive my parents that implanted in me this feelings. Seems like I’ve never changed. Sometimes I do not care, but when I am sad or unhappy about something, feeling that something wrong with me starts to dominate in my life.
Another thing is, I do not know waht I like/love to do in my life. May be having bad feeling about myself also stands on the way of my achievements.
To much so I notice that my actions are dictated by outside forces. Either directly or indirectly. I want to be at the helm of my choices. I feel I have touched on that or received that from your expressing how we are the makers of our beliefs. Anything in this direction would open the door. Of course, once I got there I was at a loss, as I had not been making decisions from that place is such a long time, Maybe some guidance on how to get in touch with my true desires…
Becky,
To fully take charge of your life you need to eliminate all the beliefs (and conditionings) in the way and also learn to change how things occur for you minute to minute.
We’ll soon be announcing a new course that will teach you how to do that.
Regards, Morty
LOL! Thanks for being there for some of this and hepnilg me talk through things, brother! You’re a great friend.
Well, probanly procrastination is the tendency I’m trying to change, basically I’m very enthusiastic when I start a new project, I always get going on my best and even exceed on what’s expected from me, but after a while I get bored and drop everything, I jjust stop caring and I look for something else. I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be or I don’t do what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t know what is it that I’m looking for, I feel lost, I can’t find my way
I don’t kown what I want most when I must to make a choice,and I want to kown how to deal with procrastination.
i dont want to worry or fear about anything. and not feel that i have to do anything, but want to do everything. and have inner happiness moment to moment.
Dear Linda
Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me .you are wonderful .
Little by little I’m getting there . My boyfriend is still there ,but the inner liberation is begining . After two years of total depression and self hate I am begining to wake up .
I have started to feel happy and sleep well and you know .It has been ten days .Good ten days . Thanks for your advises . All the problems related to him are still there ,but with the new me ,I think things will hopefully work for me . I will tell you more about it .thanks
i heard some good advice the other day, “you can’t make other people happy you can only make them happier.
Dealing with all forms and intensities of rejection…
Who rejects a cute guy like you ???
Heh… very kind of you Jean.
I would like a healing of the angry, fearful child in me.
My real issue is that I am quite often afraid of saying what I want and “no” when someone asks me something, especially when this person is my partner or one of my children.
I want to feel free to say “no” when I do not want to do something and not feel afraid of anything, rejection, abandonment…
I want to feel free of doing what I want with no guilty emotions.
At 42 I am still afraid to say No . I am a people pleaser . I will say yes when it is actually something that I strongly object to . Why don’t we two do the ” No” exercise everyday ? I will tell you when I sucessfully say no and you do the same . How about that ?
Jean
Dear Jean,
That’ s a great idea!
I will do it and tell you when I am successful.
Have a nice day! Lots of love
Gisella
Two for me. One is wasting energy getting angry about things when they either haven’t happened or are really not that important. The second, probably far more important, is fear of being as good as I can be.
The past doesn’t exist anymore, the future is uncertain even to come, what’s real is the present moment, the NOW, don’t worry about what it was or what it wolud be, worry about what is or can be, Don’t you believe you can be whatever you want? believing in something or not doesn’t mean it’s true. We all have the potential to be what we want to. Do you believe it……?
Yes, I actually need help with all of the above. Fear, Anger, Upsets, and even handling grief are all good ways to describe the emotional rollacoaster I usually find myself riding. I go through bouts of guilt and shame regarding mistakes of the past, and then become very depressed because of it. I try to immerse myself in all the available positive mental attitude material that is available in books, CDs, DVDs and the internet, but it only lasts for a few hours, and then I have to start all over again. I don’t know a way to make the improvements permanent. Any suggestions? Thanks, Cee
Cee ,I do the same everyday you are not alone . I spend whole day looking for some encouragement and comfort . But everyday I’m back to square one . I block my happiness from happening just because of the way I’m handling things . I wake up in the middle of the night to call just regret , trying to find out why I am not doing what I want to do ? But I believe that change for me is around the corner because I know I will one day explode and people will see how confident I am , I will overthrow thier mental games …because I come first . I come first ….let’s learn to be a little bit selfish ..I guess that will help !
Getting rid of fear; which leads to negative, self destructive thoughts/actions.
Fear is a natural emmotion, it’s part of our survival instinct, not feeling fear would be not being human, you need to believe that you can walk through and survive fear. imagination is the most powerful tool a person can have, but it also could be very destructive as you know, find a way to overcome your fears by facing them, start from the smallest and eventually move to the biggest, you’ll discover that they aren’t as bad as you have imagined.
A true connection with myself and others. Being afraid of not being good enough. Fear of failure. Lack of willingness to take action. A feeling of: Life just passses me by… and I´m too afraid or uninterested to take some action.
Personally, I’d like to improve the area where I instinctivly react to things my daughters do causing me to feel anger or anoyance. I’m able to pervent myself from reacting to it but I still feel it and have to stop myself. I would like to be free from this and better able to accept their behavure as is.
It doesn’t matter what you are doing, for you are all – all-ways doing something. It doesnt matter what everyone else is doing either.
After you are dead, it wont matter much to you –
It is what you are being, while you are doing it ! You are after the feeling only, period.
Most of you are feeling – terrible – and I tell you within your psyche, you are learning to feel – so to feel anything is better than nothing at all ! However it would behoove you to feel aright !
There is no use for suffering other than to discover you do not have to !
Running amok, like a chicken without a head, doing this and that to escape – the – feeling – that – you – feel – will – only – draw – more – attention – to – it –
Hey ! Wake up ! I’m in here ! I’m your soul ! Can’t you feel good about yourself ?
You say : OH ! If only ! (this or that) – then I would feel better !
It – will – never – happen
Be, then you do – from your current state, and then you have – what your feeling has created –
If you are being the abused child, along with its anger, resentment, hatred, condemnation, and such. If you are value-less, or of less value than your contemporaries for what they have, if you are jealous of their lives, if you are after money as a means to be happy with its envy and insecurity. If your bodies ache with pains and sadness, depression –
Then you will create more of that in your life !
For those with ears to hear let them listen – do not chase anything – including your own mind ! Do not DO without clarity, Do not be what will destroy your insides out –
YOU ARE LEARNING TO PLAY WITH YOUR OWN POWER – AND UNTIL YOU RECOGNIZE THE DIRECT IMPACT OF YOUR BEING – YOU WILL REMAIN ON THE ROLLER COASTER.
Yes, how I am being today will create my experience. Shall I continue to draw upon past memories of unpleasant experience to create my state of mind for today?
Or will I see the – light.
Best Regards, with fondness and Love to you all
I think i didn’t read the question right above. Sorry…It’s obvious I was supposed to comment on something in my life,so,here goes. I have trouble with committing myself to anything,my work and a relationship for the long haul..Even though I really want it and know I can do it,and do it well..
Connecting with people. Connecting with family, friends and good people. I don’t want to be afraid of being hurt
I have a bunch of emotional problems, but what I’ve found is that they all boil down to one thing – fear. I am terrified of, well, living. And of losing my life, of being hurt (physically or emotionally); fear of losing everything I have (I’ve already lost a home to foreclosure and gone through bankruptcy); fear of losing (or possibly already having lost) the love and respect of my grown children; fear of illness and pain… the list goes on and on, but it really is just one thing – overwhelming, all-consuming fear.
my worst problem is an inferiority complex. Everyone is hipper, more on the ball, more capable, better than me. I am easily intimidated.
I need to learn how to stop hiding my emotions – how to actually feel things. I don’t want people to see me as weak, I am the strong one. Sometimes the emotions come out, as anger, and of course then they are out of control .
There is more than one area in which my emotional life could improve. At the top of the list is my lack of confidence with my financial future. I’m having a difficult time right now , getting clear about , and being confident about choices for a job or career. I”m sure I’m not alone in this respect given the economic climate that exists in our country. What challenges me is feeling trapped in some sort of self created inertia. I may not be moving forward because of counter productive beliefs about myself and money. How does a person bring to the surface, and rid oneself of those negative beliefs
I so know exactly how you feel, I’m the same way. I’ll get going on my business and then start to doubt myself because I’m doing well, then I fall back into the same trap I make for myself, its hard not to over analyze ones life, we want the best for us and at the same time we do and think of ways to set us back instead of moving ourselves forward, Its like we need a support team every step of the way to keep us from quitting or messing things up for ourselves, almost like you don’t feel worthy enough to deserve the finer things in life, I’m tired of busting my butt for other people, I want to make a “DREAM LIFE ” for myself now! What do I have to do?
I am really struggling with getting and being emotionally connected with those I love, and those who love me back. I’ve been this way for years, and I have been painfully shown that it is now time to change. I don’t know where to start, though.
My fears – the loss of money, or lack of money. Anytime I think I may lose a job I stress and have huge fears of losing my breath, my life.
It sounds like you are more then worlds apart…He is very insecure and needs help that only he can and should get for himself..Controlling behavior is very bad behavior and will only cause untold grief for you in so many ways ,that in hindsight,you’ll wish that you had never stayed with him!.If you do..Get out and get away NOW!!…You will,very soon,become the enemy in the relationship..This is not a good relationship..You see that you are already already questioning yourself?……You can do whatever you want with your life!!….It’s up to you…Take care of yourself. He is making you feel gulity,for what?..For not loving him the way he thinks?…He needs to love himself as much as he thinks he loves you….If you have to question yourself,you need to get out,because controlling behavior is very,very,insecure behavior and nobody wins,least of all the woman in the relationship..It’s a very bad situation…Get out now!!..Save yourself,take care of yourself and you’ll find someone who will not make you question yourself……..Sincerely,Kat
I have problem with being firm with my decisions and committments . I critisize myself a lot . My boyfriend doesn’t know that I enjoy everything about him including his friendship and support . But I am not so emotionally in love with him . I feel guilty everyday . He is so committed to me though sometimes I find him to be very interrogative , very controlling and always has plans for us . We are worlds apart but he calls me at least three times a day and the questions are so endless , endless . Because of these and other complications ,I tend to eat a lot , stop exercising …..I wish I could be free of guilt and declare to the world ‘I am free and I can do whatever I like with my life !!” and die the next day .
I feel you are really not to sure if you deserve him as a partner because you have other deep issues inside your self,
I know you said he is controlling checking up on you all the time have you ever thought it could be concern as he has a very close bond with you nothing is always how it seems, and you will never know until you your self face the situation with him he deserves that much from you .Other people cannot affect you unless you let them .
you sound like a really nice person start doing something for you that does not include food only fun.
I have been in your situation that’s how i know and understand
it was not my husband but one of my brothers who tried to control me in every kind of way he could think of it does not work now we have drifted apart I emigrated to another country with my husband and 40 years later went back to visit my brothers and other family with one it was wonderful the other it was the same now i do not talk to him at all because he could not have his own way he stole from me and when we discovered it he refused to take responsibility for his actions and sent me the
me a text and told me he did not want to see me again never to contact him and he is 71 bitter and controlling .
we all lost our parents in a accident years ago when I was 10 he was17.1/2 my lovely other brother was 21 we are great friends and we really care about each other he has a lovely wife of over 57 years i love them to bits we live thousands of miles apart and we look forward to talking to each other he also does not see his brother for his own reasons i hope I helped in some way to make you think before you make any life changing decision
try sitting down with him and explaining how you feel ,he may be shocked he may be sympathetic he may just under stand and is waiting for you to talk to him .love Linda
I was delighted you got back to me you are a true angel you know you are meant to sort this out for your self you have such inn site into your own self that is amazing keep fishing inside and it will all come to you remember you are a Spiritual being living in a human body when we leave this world are spirit goes on ,
visualize as you fall asleep you are floating on a cloud with out a care in the world and that every thing is possible because it is you make your own destiny,
you can have any thing you want you love peace tranquility
don’t be like the rest of the world and ask for money or things
as you cannot take them with you but you can take love peace and tranquility when that time comes in a 100 years or so
you deserve all this you are amazing women ,
Feelings of your needs and wants are much more important than mine. The resentment when you are happy and independent and I am left alone.
Fear of authority, of punishment, of not being good or worthy enough. These fears keep me from participating fully in life.
Same here Amos. Authority figures – the higher the rank, the more intense the fear. What would be the cause? Do I have to live all my life like this?
Little tiny things stress me out. I’d like to not feel anxious about the small stuff (or the big stuff). It depletes my energy. I’d also like to feel less sensitive to every dirty look (ie from my adult sister) or slight from someone I don’t even know!
I want to be in control of my emotions，especially if I am angry with someone.
deal with anger
I want to become even keeled with my emotions. I don’t want to have wild swings of emotions. I want to be in control of my emotions.
Wow, thank you Terrance……When I saw you wrote happiness, it sat and ask myself….why did he write happiness. Then I looked at Morty’s question again….
What’s the one area of your emotional life that you’d most like to improve?
Well, after I shifted perspective in how I read the question….a light bulb came on…What you focus on expands, so to speak.
So….Morty….I’d like to improve on “JOY” “TRUE JOY”
Great appreciation Terrence and Morty.
Well, the most recent thing to really bother me was when 2 of my housemates started fighting (no fair about it!) and I went into victim mode and then started craving comfort food and sweets big time!
I am a child abuse survivor, and had gotten hold of my eating for the first time and now it has hold of me again.
I am sending my voice in from the ether to all of you, so you know that your universe ‘listens’.
If you are reading this, it is by no coincidence, so it is my pleasure to remind you of this piece to your puzzle:
For your lives to change, you must throw caution to the wind. For I tell you, it takes greater determination and effort to maintain the conditions of your present reality, than to let it go.
You are on an emotional merry go round, even your comments give support to the weight you are feeling. You cannot control your physical conditions directly, now, in the present state – however you possess the ability to think aright.
I give you the understanding that your current thinking co creates and maintains your reality, there is no other rule. Your current thinking takes effort and emotional drain to continue the illusion and you will not feel better, until you get off the ride, period.
So get off the ride then, and begin to immediately change your thoughts to what pleases you, throw caution to the wind and let go of the focused control of your present life. You work hard to maintain your suffering, let go of that need and be as open as a child, and willing to change your experience. Stay with – that.
Dream of a healthy, wealthy and vibrant future, or past – Use your creative energy for positive change – Begin at once to take your mind out of the current state of maintenance control and keep it now, wandering, rather wondering – at the desired ‘result’.
Negative thoughts, misguided energies, while natural – if looked at, will show you how your current efforts, daily, are recreating your moments.
Step off the ride, throw caution to the wind – and if understood now, you will begin to instantly feel better, giving you guidance that you have begun a worthy change.
It has been our pleasure to serve today.
Marcus, I thank you for bringing me back to consciousness. It has been a nightmare. Thank you for so gently and in such detail, showing me the way to get back on the right path.
I am relieved to know that you are “there”.
:-)
Thank you Marcus. That was wonderful!
To live, and this is simplifying it, was never meant to be a monumental task.
Your feelings or emotions are your guidance, they are yours, they are not you, so to speak. All problems are misguided use of your creative energy, as you learn to – use – what is yours.
Now, the great dichotomy – While you feel out of control, the hapless victim of seeming outside events attacking your personhood, and a psyche run amok – and forgive me, this is hard – You are at the same time in strict control of your present reality – maintaining, craftily, and may I say : with directed, specialized and persistent focused – thinking, the conditions which bring about those uncomfortable emotions. In denying that – , you deny yourself, and the current forces which would bring about the desired results, you see.
Now, your issues are immediate, however the more you focus your burning intent on what is – the more of that you will see – And the more you will deny your hand in it – For how can you accept this experience as your own?
And again, hard using words – Your experience and feelings in this moment – Do not have to be repeated in the next. Understand you are maintaining your reality – any simple changes to your thoughts – will change your next moments –
Memories were never meant to be drawn upon to recreate current conditions – to wear as a badge of shame – to carry in your pocket as a reminder of who you are –
Again, its been our pleasure to serve.
My issues are many, but the root problem is that I blow my top if I feel threatened in any way. I feel like I’m from another planet, because no-one seems to hear what I’m saying. I get misunderstood. I feel that others don’t take me seriously, because I’m always having to be the strong one. I feel unheard, dismissed, overlooked, walked on, disregarded, pushed aside, of no consequence. And I get really frustrated about it, and then express myself inapropriately, by losing it and storming off in a tantrum. I feel that others give themselves latitude to be verbally abusive etc, but if I react, then I’m a horror of a human being. And I feel like I am myself. The most embarassing part is, I’m 57, but obviously, have the emotional age of about 15! So much hurt, what can I do?
I have been laid off since 07/07, I seem to have lost my confidence in myself, I very much want to, but I just can’t seem to muster the strength to leave my comfort zone and do something new. I seem to have walled myself in with self doubt.
Same as Doug May 11. Financial devastation and now having anxiety fear and negative thoughts continually about the future. Lack of certainty. Unable to be happy.
I thrive for happiness again and apositive outlook. Somthing I always had before.
chers Wayne
I want to be free of the shame that causes the following:
I dont feel worthy of receiving good things
If I lose weight and someone comments on it, I immediately have to regain the weight
If someone compliments me, I have to mess things up
I want to be less effected by a husband or boyfriend. I dont want to feel jealous or worry about what they are doing and be ok when they are gone for long periods of time. Less dependent emotionally ..hoping the Natural Confidence Program will help with this some
My inability to let go – to let go of grief and pain from past events, past illnesses and periods of depression, former friends that I loved intensely who now won’t speak to me, things that I strongly desire. I can be completely consumed for weeks with thoughts of grieving something that was important that is now lost. I have been like this since I was a child.
Procrastination and laziness! Also that I have little vitality and are not at all active!
Morty
I have read through all the above and slept on it.
The theme that seems to be in common with them all including the “c’mon Morty it’s not that simple” is division, doubt and the word that springs to mind with me and my life is an underlying suspicion. It creates divisiveness, doubt, indecision delay and more.
Suspicion – often termed skepticism, ‘thinking it through’ and ‘realism’ are easy to “overcome” on a temporary basis. It is the thing the mind does to protect us and very often it does so how can something that’s natural to our survival be overcome?
I’d love to know. I also know full well that nothing “goes right” when people involved are not in alignment. I have been upended many times by the suspicion of others although I am apparently trusting those around me. I say apparently because I understand consciously that I get what I give – if only subliminally.
If you can crack this one for me that would indeed be a favour. I do have a clear experience that the work I did on the programme I bought from you on confidence had an amazing and long term effect on countless beliefs and is still working. I changed fundamentally with only a few brush-ups.
I am about to embark on a business with a team I trust – and have people IN the team who are affected by suspicion although they deny it categorically – ie they do not know or cannot hear what it is that they are actually saying.
It leaves me asking myself – “oh for a really inspiring mission that is above doubt!”. Yet the press and especially the recent election are loaded with doubt and this certainly creates fear.
Jackie
Hi Morty
the biggest is FEAR. My inner voice when I am doing affirmations is saying – what if this is rubbish? What if you are conning yourself?
I have great days but when I have a bad one, I am a mess.
Handling DESIRE (which is so strong it becomes an obsession). It could be desire of anything – a relationship, a new guitar, a skill (a law degree). I think it is the underlying reason for fear, anger, upsets, grief, and if prolonged, potentially – psychological illness. Basically, in theory, because if I want something and obsess over it, I’d be scared not to be perfect enough to get it. This would upset me. If I wanted it ‘more than life’ – i’d grieve for not having it. Over time, the overall negativeness could lead to … you know – depression. I’d truly appreciate it if you cover ‘desire’. Thanks.
I wish I could have the ability to control my emotions and easly conquer my fears , anxiety and upsets.
My parents both died in a accident many years ago when i was 10yrs old I was in the accident as well and survived with my cousin ,
My whole family seem to be in so much grief they never talked about them again including aunts uncles and Grand parents I felt abandoned
and I still feel this way some of the time ,I abandoned them by moving to the other side of the world most of them are gone now but i can talk to my Brother about them but some times I feel its to late to change the way i feel i have forgiven them long ago but its still deep inside
Linda,
I hear you. When my daughter died within two days of getting sick, I fel like I was in a world of my own. And even though no one wanted to talk about her, I did anyway. It took years before we put in a headstone for her and when we did, I held a memorial at the cemetery for family to attend. Everyone said something about her and the affect she had in her three short years and then I read a poem. It was the first time I was able to talk about her without bawling. Keep talking about your parents;Spirit gave us tears for a reason: to relieve the pain of losing someone. And some people think that if you don’t talk about the people or person who died, it’ll all go away. Take care; their are countless people who are with you in Spirit.
i just want to feel true love for myself and others and all the universe
fear
I feel I am put through emotional pain over and over again by some one does not know how to forgive or say they can not let it go
Hi Linda. Forgiveness from another person is never guaranteed. All you can do is forgive them, strange thourgh it sounds, and of course, forgive yourself. Why stay in a state of uncertainty and feeling unworthy because of another person’s perceptions, no matter how accurate they may seem? Everyone is worthy of forgiveness, not all can or will give it. You cannot give to others what you do not have yourself. They cannot forgive, but that is their issue. If they cannot let go, then it also is their issue, and they are torturing themselves, (even though they may feel they have been wronged) by holding on to negativity which is poisoning their systems. Be your own best friend, you simply have to. You are the one that you spend the most time with. Be exceptionally kind to yourself. You do deserve to be loved. Love yourself first, before you try to love others. I hope this helped you.
Fear, anger and low self-esteem – the first comment by Susan mirrors my mental state literally (word-for-word)!!
Feelings of boredom. Lack of inner drive.
I like to get rid of Anger, Unconsious and consious . Anger just is there, underlining anger just waiting to come out. Seconds that all it takes at times.
Worked on it for years, Energy work , I just respond with anger. Not aware I’m angry until I am asked why am I so angry or answer nasty. It trends to occur especially when I don’t feel good or I subconsiouly am a victim of some sort in my mind. Natural to be angry it seems. I usally always take it out on my husband. Then I feel bad because I don’t know how to stop this anger from appearing , especially when its not provoked. HELP if you can.
Thanks for listening and taking the time out for this post.
I have lost my home, and my husband has move away. One daughter is over 30 in a disfunctional relationship and is at a standstill in her life. Has no money, no car, no job, depending solely on this guy who is bipolar. I have another daughter who is getting ready to make some changes to better her life. I feel guilty that my actions have caused all this negative scenarios in the life of my loved ones. I am over 66 yrs old starting all over, renting a room. At times, I feel like a failure. I would like to know how I can overcome the guilt so that I can move forward and be able to make the money I need to support myself and to help my daughters.
Martha, your daughter is an adult who is responsible for her own life. She can get therapy and work on her issues. You could go with her to resolve your issues with her. She’s at an age where she can get a job (hopefully the jobs are coming back). You must take care of yourself. She needs to get out of that relationship and to find work even if the job is far away (better if it gets her away from that guy).
Martha , there should be no guilt . Your daughters are grown ups . Enjoy the rest of your life whichever way you like . My parents died quite young and I regret that they were not happy enough . They never had enough fun , enough food , enough money !! and everyday I regret that they treated life the wrong way . Don’t be mean to yourself . When your children realize that you are happy ….that will also help them a lot .
i lack confidence, the feeling of me being inferior to others even though i am not is too much. i create obstacles for me by thinking about them clear and loud. osmething in me always pulls me back and says i m not worth it or i will not achieve it or why should i get it or he/she will never like me. In a nutshell my innerself tells me i am not much useful being.
I need to control my anger too and yes jealousy follows.
Fear of failure, of not being good enough, worthy enough…all stemming from childhood but very difficult to shake in adulthood. These fears keep me from participating fully in life.
My problem is dealing with anger. The slightest thing can set it off, like a remark someone will make. I process it after an hour or so, but it really sets me off for a while. I recognize the pattern, but this still does not stop it.
I agree with Maple on co-dependence: I seem to be attracted to women with problems (head trash). I can pick them out from across the room. Then try to establish an intimate relationship which will eventually fail. I know it’s coming from my chaotic childhood based on spare the rod puritanical ethics. Since like attracts like I know dropping the head trash I created during my childhood will probably correct this.
I’m not sure how to narrow this down to one, but I will be as concise as possible. My most problematic emotional issues are:
— 30 years of suicidal depression
— Severe and persistent procrastination
— Difficulty forgiving someone who was supposed to love and care for me but whose actions caused me unspeakable pain
I would most like to get rid of my survival fears re money. I am a small business owner, and I am afraid of going broke and being destitute.
Sometimes its a case of not knowing what the right question is – to get the right answers. I would like to understand more about our limiting belief systems and how those beliefs are mirrored to us by loved ones, work colleagues and our environment around us and How those belief systems trigger our judgements. Then how to go about reprogramming those belief systems especially the subconcious ones that I am not even aware of running in the background on auto pilot! I want to be able to change the polarity of my thoughts from negative to positive.
I am troubled by anxiety in all forms. It keeps me from doing many things. I am constantly in fear, with there being no obvious reason for it.
I would love to be less defensive with my husband. I take things too personally. I know I’m doing it in the moment, but it’s like this robot is in control.
Thanks for asking.
What I’m really having problems with–and now its going on two+ years–is having been close friends with a person (close for about a year) who then distanced herself from me after I had some personal problems of my own and acted immaturely around. I feel judged and evaluated as a ‘loser.’ I know its terribly irrational–I mean, there are lots of people and things in this world, so why should what one person does/doesn’t do affect me so much? But despite the clear reasons not to get caught up in one relationship, I obsess on it. It poisons my existence. I speak once every 10 days or so with this person, who is a colleague and I want to say: “I am NOT a loser. NOBODY is a loser.” I asked her that point blank last summer and she didn’t respond, not even saying ‘O no, of course you’re not a loser.’
I don’t know how I got wrapped up in this problem and it is all SO stupid but its the number one problem. So much so that I wish I could go back to the days, say 3 years ago, when I never even knew this person. Its awful to share yourself with someone and then have that person not want to hang out with you anymore–or only have limited contact. It comes down to self-esteem.
Thanks for reading
tj, I soooo understand exactly what you are saying. This exact thing has happened to me and it just tears me up. One can become so attached to a person who has gone out of his/her way to offer a caring friendship, particularly centred around whatever our problem is (eating disorder etc) and then eventually withdraws totally and we are at a loss to understand where we went wrong. And the fact that they refuse to talk to us is unbelievably painful.
I wish I wasn’t so sensitive to the things people say or do. It’s been an issue my entire life.
I was wondering if you tried the Natural Confidence Program to help with these issues..I am doing the program now and it seems to be helping with this issue.
I procrastinate. I know I should be doing certain things but I put it off. Then in a flurry of activity I complete tasks because I don’t want to appear to be lazy
Jenna
Hi Morty, it is hard for me to put anything on paper. I have known about journaling for over 30 years, yet I find it hard/scarry to do. I have emotional issues and I know it affects my weight. I would like to lose about 75 pounds but when I start a diet it only lasts a few days. It’s like I set myself up for failure.
Learning to feel and allow my emotions to come and release when needed. I hold most things inside and do not allow others to see me cry for I do not want to be seen as weak or vulnerable.
Come on Morty. Nothing in life is this simple.
Does that mean CP that you are going to find out for yourself?
I would love to hear how it goes.
My fear started when I was just a kid going to school. I feared the next day and the pain – humilation that waited for me in school. In the evening hours my mind turned to fear when the sun set. I would know it will not be long until I had to go back. Then I would become terrified just pushing the feelings down, I sometimes could distract myself with tv or just going numb. But I knew when I went to sleep the morning would come very quickly. I spent years repeating the same . Now I am almost 50 years old. In the evening when the sun sets I get pain in my legs and lower body. Went to the doctor and there is nothing wrong with my legs etc. I know it is from being conditioned as a child and this is just the terror once felt manifesting itself as pain triggered by the coming darkness and the time of day. The thing is I feel the pain but not the emotions. ….Henry
Henry,
Speaking as someone with chronic pain that turned out to be Lyme disease, I can tell you that doctors can’t simply tell where pain is coming from. I doubt your pain is psychological. Doctor like to tell you it’s all in your head, but there’s no evidence that it is. You could have a pinched nerve, a magnesium and/or vitamin D deficiency (this does cause pain), things going on in your digestive system (bad bacteria/candida yeast), diabetes, or a hormonal imbalance, among other things. Try going to a holistic doctor for blood tests for unexplained pain. Also go to a neurologist to rule out MS.
Happiness
Conditioned fear from childhood trauma and the related learned helplessness – belief that I’m powerless.
Morty, thank you for offering me the opportunity to share this with you. I am suffering extreme fear and anxiety and a deep sense of hopelessness arising out of an unexpected result this past February in my business dealings of the last 12 years — devastation that finds me financial ruin. As a corollary to that I am experiencing painful guilt for the hurt and damage this has caused for family, friends and associates who believed in me, but are now paying a dear price. A masked fear of failure and loss, and the fear of not having enough time to repair and overcome, underlies this current set of circumstances. In being honest I would have to say that a persistent fear of the unknown and of death itself is life undercurrent of mine. In facing this challenge I am searching for the recovery road to an abundance paving the way for a life of health, wealth, happiness and peace, love, joy and equanimity. Now I have shared with you as you asked and offered, Morty, and now I ask that you return the favor and help me to live the life I’ve always wanted to live. Blessings and Gratitude…..Doug
Doug, your not alone!
Morty, we are in a similar situation and because of that my husband changed in a depressed person who, instead of trying to deal with it, leaves everything to me and can’t even talk about it!
I feel powerless, always having to fight for suvival and in doing so seem to attrack the one thing I don’t want, more financial challenges!
Thank you for the offer and finding time to help us all, Marieke
I need to get rid of fear of failure, overt thoughts about what people will say and procrastination. I usually engage myself in deep thoughts about how people will react to my actions and this often inhibits my capacity to initiate an act. I equally need to eliminate negative confessions about the outcome of my actions.
Codependent relationships–feeling the need to rescue people and continuing to put up with and try to solve their problems until it explodes, instead of picking people who are healthy. May stem from coming from a chaotic, broken home where I felt like I was the only “sane” one with parents who acted like they were the children.
I totally understand you and how you feel . I am somebody who thinks that I can fix everybody’s problem . And I always make bad choices or I don’t know ,I turn them into terrible relationships ..?? anyway if you want to talk more …I am here
Hi Jean sure I’d like to talk more… (here?) well, I tolerate too much, thinking the people will change and it’s my role to help them. Even friends sometimes take advantage of me–I should dump or distance myself from people like that but they are aggressive toward me as I am “too nice.” I plan to be very careful from now on. Have been spending much time alone and enjoying it.
Dealing with a mother who was an active alcoholic for the first 18 yrs of my life (abusive alcoholic) and who is still (55 yrs into my life) emotionally disconnected and untrustworthy. The anger of the “little child” still resides inside me and I don’t want it anymore. And yes, I’ve done Al-Anon and therapy work…this is something residual that I would like to be free of.
Agitation and agression. I get anxious and then I get aggressive. I want to be able to stop being aggressive. I want to stop being compulsive and having addicitions.
Like many others here, I need to let go of my fear-based inner critic — the one that says I’m worthless and I will never achieve anything worthwhile (to ME), that life is a struggle and all my efforts are for naught. I also have a ton of anger that I need to let go of lest it become self-destructive.