How many times have you attended a personal growth workshop, or listened to a self-help audio course, or viewed a set of DVDs designed to change your life? Given the type of people who usually read my blog, probably most of you.
And how many times did you get a high when you completed the program … that dissipated shortly, leaving you almost where you were before you started? Based on what many of you have told me, an awful lot of you.
Why don’t these courses that usually offer such valuable information produce lasting change? Based on everything we know about change, they should.
But what if our assumption about what produces change is wrong?
The presumption implicit in most attempts to change behavior is: Information (I) + Motivation (M) = Change. This makes perfect sense to most people who are trying to producer change, whether they are psychotherapists, training professionals, parents, or committed individuals. If you know what to do and how to do it, and if you are motivated (positively or negatively), isn’t that all you need to take the appropriate action?
Obviously not, since the formula of I + M = C doesn’t seem work a lot of the time. If it did, everyone would wear seat belts, which they don’t. Everyone would keep New Year’s resolutions, instead of letting them go after a couple of weeks. People suffering from cardiovascular disease would adopt low-fat, low-cholesterol diets. Corporate training programs would be far more effective in changing worker behavior.
Let’s take a simple example. Say you’re a procrastinator. You always leave work projects until the last minute. As a result, you’re anxious much of the time and sometimes you turn projects in late, which subjects you to the disapproval of your boss. In fact, he tells you, “I’d like to consider you for a promotion and a raise, but I can’t as long as you continue to deliver projects late.”
Making Plans To Change
You decide you must change and you really want to change. So what do you do?
*You prioritize your activities, assuming that it will help you focus on the most important projects.
* You make a schedule that helps you allot time during the month for work on the most important projects.
* You put up reminders in prominent places.
* You create rewards to give yourself when you finish a project—a special dinner or a new item of clothing.
* You ask your friends to support you.
So now you’ve gathered all the information and resources you need to get your projects done on time. And you have several strong reasons for doing it: a possible promotion, a raise, your boss’s approval, and an alleviation of your constant anxiety.
Does It Work?
But be honest! After you’ve done all this, plus all the other variations you’ve discovered, does the behavior pattern really change? Does the I + M = C formula enable you to do what you say you are going to do? And if it does today, does it continue to be easy month after month? For most of us, the answer is no. (If you think this isn’t a valid assumption, consider all the times you’ve committed to some change in your life, buttressed by Information + Motivation, but for some inexplicable reason you failed to follow through.)
Let’s look at another example of how I + M = C is ineffective in helping people change their behavior and emotions.
Imagine you attended a workshop, or read a book, or purchased some CDs and DVDs telling you what you have to do to have a great relationship. Now you know exactly what you need to do.
*You must honestly communicate your thoughts and feelings.
*You must listen from your partner’s point of view.
*You must “get” your partner’s communication, in other words, get that what your partner is saying is true for him/her whether or not you happen to agree.
*Focus on what you can do to improve the relationship instead of assuming all the problems are the result of your partner.
You now know what to do and you are motivated.
But months go by and nothing improves despite your best efforts. You are still withholding some of your thoughts and feelings. You still feel your partner is at fault for most of your difficulties. Etc.
Why isn’t I + M = C working?
Maybe because you still have the beliefs: It’s dangerous to express my feelings. My feelings aren’t important. No one is interested in what I have to say. Men/women can’t be trusted. Relationships are difficult. And so on.
Maybe because the formula of I + M = C never deals with beliefs, so lasting change isn’t possible. I + M = C isn’t enough to change emotional and behavioral patterns because the beliefs that cause them haven’t been eliminated.
Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts we have about reality that we are convinced are “the truth.” They are, for us, accurate statements about reality. Therefore your beliefs mold your behavior, your emotions, and your attitudes.
So if the personal growth material you’ve tried hasn’t produced lasting change, you now know why. You were informed and motivated, but you never eliminated the beliefs that necessitate the existing behavior you want to change.
Now that you know that your beliefs determine your life, you are where I was in January 1985: excited to have found the explanation for my inability to change my behavior and feelings—yet not knowing how to get rid of my limiting beliefs.
And then I found a way to eliminate those beliefs—quickly, easily, and permanently. And my life was changed forever. And now you can eliminate your limiting beliefs and change your life forever too.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.
Thanks for reading my blog. Do you agree or disagree with the points I made in this post? Why? Do you have something to add? Your comments will add value for thousands of readers.
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Copyright © 2009 Morty Lefkoe
This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally
I’ve found something which helped me. Kudos!
Carrie,
I just noticed this post.
Please call me so I can figure out what happened. Unless you did the conditioning and noticed the change you wanted. (415) 506-4472.
Regards, Morty
Morty,
I am very interested in how to discover beliefs whether empowering or limited. I tried your free program and was amazed. However, I would like to discover some areas where I am being held back prior to diving in (kind of like putting the cart before the horse).
Cheers,
Brian
I have some inkling of what you mean, Morty, but would you mind explaining that a little more please?
Are you saying that we don’t need any beliefs at all? Or that our sculpture doesn’t need any beliefs? Or that we as sculptors already have all the positive characteristics/beliefs we need? How can I be sure that I, as a sculptor, am inherently good enough, important, lovable etc?
Are you saying that if I truly experience myself as the sculptor, I will automatically experience a god-like omnipotence or something similar?
Thanks, Annette.
Chris,
Take a look at our blog where we have hundreds of comments from people who have eliminated beliefs using The Lefkoe Method.
http://blog.recreateyourlife.com/
see also three videos at http://recreateyourlife.com/store/
Hi Annette,
In my experience it is more important to get you are the sculptor than a better piece of sculpture. As the sculptor you experience you are inherently good enough, important, lovable, etc. You don’t need to create those.
Regards, Morty
Hi Morty,
I’m getting great results as I’m going through your program eliminating each belief. But what I’m curious about is, as the sculptor of my life, how do I ‘install’ a positive belief – a belief of my choice?
Thanks Morty, I will look at the link, its interesting to me that you developed the process intuitively, as that is how many great breakthroughs have happened That is, people having an intense struggle or focus, and amasing answers coming to them intuitively. I have just started doing the Natural Confidence program, and I like it, I can already notice some pronounced differences in my actual behaviour. I also like how effective and simple the realisation of our true self, or reality, of being separate from thoughts and beliefs is, because I believe that is a very profound, far reaching discovery, that many people never make, often because it is surrounded and clouded by mystery and complication. Your process is also great in that it is so easy, pretty much any one can do it as effectively as anyone else. To me, the profoundness of changing beliefs, whilst simultaneously opening up the realisation of who we really are, in such an available to all simple approach, smacks of true intuition. Thanks.
Hi Michael,
I do describe how I developed the Lefkoe Belief Process in the short video at http://recreateyourlife.com. The only personal growth material I was familiar with before I developed the LBP was est, which I had taken over 10 years before and which had made a difference in my life. Obviously everything I had ever read or done was in my subconscious when I created the LBP, but the process really was developed intuitively, not consciously or logically.
Thanks so much for your interest in our work and for taking the time to write.
Regards, Morty
Hi Lisa,
There is an affiliate program you can find at http://recreateyourlife.com/partnersignup
Regards, Morty
I ask because, as I said I am genuinely interested in the actual way he discovered the process, how he arrived at the actual final process., or technique. For instance did he learn it, is it a combination of of parts other techniques, did it come through intuition or something similar. I’m Australian, thats how we spell amasing.
You spelled “amazing” wrong…I’m amazed, considering the thought put into your letter. Morty has shared his story if you go through the free demonstration and e-book…Why ask him to repeat it again?
hi morthy,
I really belief it is important to get rid of your limiting beliefs. But in order to succeed in life, one needs more…. Being part of a group is primordial. Joining a “men’s group” e.g. could be extremely valuable in achieving what you really want in life…. http://www.mensgroup101.com/video/…. Group-help seems more powerful than Self-help…. and is more fun anyway… (Eliminating limiting beliefs with your video’s, and discussing this with friends/ men’s group/ women’s group /mastermind whatever… seems much more powerful.)
thanks, wim
Hi Lisa,
There’s already a book by Morty. It’s called “Re-Create Your Life”.
You are so right!
Morty,
I think you are right on here with this article. I’ve been studying change and development for amny years and have determined there to be three basic factors that effect our abilty to do what we say we want.
1) We need to have a truly deep strong reason why.
2) Consistancy. Behavioral patterns do not usually change suddenly. Daily attention and specific actions are needed.
3) That which can prevent us from doing what we want, even if we have the first two. And this is primerily based on our habits.
If our thoughts are not congruent with our wants, guess which wins? The habits. Right after the movie, “The Secret” came out this is the very point that many made, that the movie didn’t address this critical aspect affecting our ability to change and get what we want. Actually the movie was quite vague about the entire concept.
I have done a lot of work on myself in the area of changing beliefs that I was totally uaware of. Some absolutley shocked me, that I had certatin limiting beleifs. I found it to be a sort of a peeling back of the layers process. One thing leads to another. I think we tend to get more open and willing, in our thought, as to what we allow ourselves to release as we discover and release blocks. Our ego wants top hang on to what is.
Perhaps it can be related to being hypnotized, if an individual flat out refuses, it likely won’t happen. I like your method in that is a process that a person goes through, which hopefully helps them get into the mental place where they are willing to let go. They must want to and feel that it is possible.
Another nice aspect of your recorded programs is that a person can do it multiple times allowing them to gradually get themselves into the right mindset if that’s what is needed. This of course gets into the points about persistance and deep motivation. If one is really committed to making a change, they won’t get discouraged after the first session, they will persist . 2,3,4 times, whatever it takes. We don’t all learn to ride a bike in the same amount of time either!
Hi Morty,
I agree with you on this post, beliefs pose a very significant threat towards any kind of change, especially if those beliefs contradict the intended change. This is a big problem with many people, it’s not that we don’t know the right/correct thing to do, it’s just that we subconciously sabotage our own efforts of achieving what we desire with counteractive beliefs. I took your free Eliminate A Belief course previously and I am watching the results and so far they seem to be doing a good work. Help the world shed those limiting negative and often unconsciously chosen beliefs about life.
I’m interested in all this, and see power in changing beliefs. For instance, once Roger Bannister ran the four minute mile, heaps of people did it. Same with all ‘impossible’ breakthoughs. What interests me, is the ones that achieve the breakthroughs. How did they stay focused, and believing, despite their tasks and dreams supposedly being and deemed impossible by most others, including ‘experts’?
I have done a lot of personal training, and I see the power of example. If you can show real, actual examples of really overweight, obese people who have become really fit and healthy, or really thin people who become really well built, etc, its easy for people to believe and trust that it can be done. Then if the trainer is really healthy and fit, it is also important. I’ve also seen that people need quick results of some kind, some quick verification that it is working, or they quickly become disheartened.
I think what is happening in this field, the personal development field, is that many people are becoming conditioned to be dubious, doubtfull. often with good reason. Many sales people are jumping on the bandwagon, and many have the same end result, that is, they are making their success selling something. I havent seen anyone for example saying, ‘Look, my dream was to be a top, super successfull ballet dancer. I couldn’t dance at all, and was scared to try, but love watching it, and always dreamed of it. Then I discovered this amasing process, that I used with amasing, easy results. I applied the same process to many others with their own seemingly impossible dreams, and they too achieved the same fast, amasing results. Because I now make my abundant living as a top, successfull ballet dancer, and I love helping others, I am sharing this with you all.’
What is obvious is the amount of people selling ‘amasing’ processes in the self help field, whose only actual successes are in the sales areas. Joe Vitale is a classic example. His efforts into the fitness field are extremely unsuccessful by most standards, certainly mine as a Personal Trainer, even though he trained exclusively with a former Mr Olympia. His results are anything but quick and amasing, despite him selling a prolification of ‘miraculous’ methods, which should make his goal simple for him. The same is true with many other self help gurus. There is a huge, clamouring market in the fitness field, and most can’t resist having a go at marketing something in the area, despite being in obvious, shocking condition themselves.
Then, there is huge pressure aplied to anyone who would question the obvious, blatent inconsistencies. It is a classic catch 22 scenario. People hate to be wrong, as Morty points out, and develop all sorts of beliefs and defence mechanisms about it, so those who bought the product tend to blindly defend it, whilst those that get no results would rather be quiet than be seen as failures, or, even worse, be labelled as ‘creating a negative reality’, or some similar self help terminology.
So, I think doubt is growing, and effecting many. I think the following, relentless push is taking its toll. ‘Hello everyone, I can save you, its miraculous. For only $97. 99, I will share with you my guaranteed to work, all you need to succeed in any field, secret. Now that you have a taste, and are on my sales list, for only $379.99, I will give you the supercharged miraculous program, the one that is even better than the guaranteed all you’ll ever need one. Then, for only $599.75, I will share my guaranteed to succeed in any field, miraculous super charged method that is specially developed for the business field, where you will get even more secrets. And, if they aren’t producing the miraculous, guarranteed results, for only $300.00 monthly…
I am interested in the development of your process Morty, on how it came about, and when you knew you really had it licked so to speak. I think it would help a lot of people feel confident in your product, if you shared that with them.
has the lefkoe method ever actually worked the way it is said to do so for anyone?
I think that your blog is spot on Morty. I’ve been reading a lot of Law of Attraction, self-help books in the past year and have been practising what has been presented. There have been some minor positive changes. I’m still waiting for something more substantial. I’ve done tapping, meditating, thinking positive, and other things to clear my beliefs. I think I’m still not addressing some key limiting beliefs. I absolutely agree with what you’ve said. I have the info and the motivation but change is still eluding me. Thank you!
Morty, You are right on the mark. As someone who has spent a lifetime reading self help, if those beliefs are not elimated at their core, one may make temporary changes and fall back to their old ways. I understand the whole premise of the interpretor and interpretation, but it still has not allowed me to get past certain blocks, despite the understanding. I would be a fabulous case study for you and Shelly to work on!!!!!! Use me and post the progress to show all, as I do believe in the genius of what you teach!!! Much gratitude for what you teash, Susan
I think you are absolutely right. The hard part is becoming and then identifying the limiting belief. It takes a lot of insight and awareness to actually listen to yourself and hear the assumptions. Some can be from childhood but any significant relationship can do it. I had a great childhood but my marriage crushed my self-esteem and left me with a lot of negative messages. thanks for the thoughtful post.
Hi Morty, I love your website and your message. I would love to know when you start an affiliate program, and also if you ever translate your message into a book or pdf file. Thank you much.
I think important is perspective, deep in heart belive that U want the change & then engross yourself in it without doubt,& see the change How it Works, in Life.
For personal change, particularly getting rid of depression and anxiety I recommend Blues Begone computer based cognitive behaviour therapy. It has published data to support its effectiveness and it really works.
Hi Morty
Thanks for this post. I guess I feel a bit confused though, because I would think many people would see the lefkoe method as being “self-help” as well. I love the method, but in total honesty, I have not seen any major changes in my life since doing it. I have ran through many of the beliefs several times.. I have not done the conditioning section yet.. maybe that is the key.
Thank you
Carrie