I was in the middle of writing this week’s blog post on the advantages and disadvantages of having a theory about human behavior when I received a breaking news story on my iPhone: Robin Williams was dead. “Oh, no,” I screamed in my mind. “That can’t be. I loved him.”
A few minutes later additional news came in: A representative for Williams told Entertainment Weekly, “Robin Williams passed away this morning. He has been battling severe depression of late.” And then: According to a press release issued by the Marin County Coroner’s office, the Sheriff’s office suspects the death to be “suicide due to asphyxia.”
These news items hit me particularly hard because the meanings I gave them were: “Robin’s death was so unnecessary. Depression can be overcome. I know because I’ve done it. I wish I had had a chance to help him. I’ve got to help the millions of depressed people.”
Depression isn’t just feeling sad or upset
According to Wikipedia, depression … “is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.”
In my personal experience and as described by a number of clients, depression is a mood characterized by a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair. Unlike specific emotions that can come and go in a matter of moments or at most hours, depression can last days, weeks, months, or even years. And although the intensity of the mental pain can fluctuate from time to time, the depression is never far from consciousness and can return at the least provocation. Sadness is like “depression light.”
The extent of depression
Major depression is one of the most common mental disorders in the United States, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. In 2012, an estimated 16 million U.S. adults had at least one major depressive episode, or bout of depressive symptoms, in the past year. We often get upset when we hear about the suffering of one person. This cold NIMH statistic represents 16 million real people suffering excruciating mental anguish
Why does depression lead to suicide?
More people now die of suicide than in car accidents, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In 2010 there were 33,687 deaths from motor vehicle crashes and 38,364 suicides.
Why does depression lead to so much suicide? Because the mental anguish is so great and the possibility of it ever stopping feels so remote. Earlier in my life I thought of suicide many times and actually took a bunch of pills once. Luckily I quickly called a friend who called 911, which took me to a hospital where I had my stomach pumped—a very unpleasant experience. But having a tube put down my throat was nowhere near as bad as the mental pain I had felt day after day that had led me to want to end my life.
The source of depression
Depression has been attributed to genes, childhood experiences, one’s biology, brain structure, and combinations of these factors. But many experts agree that depression is often stimulated by external stressors. Wikipedia points out that “In adulthood, stressful life events are strongly associated with the onset of major depressive episodes. In this context, life events connected to social rejection appear to be particularly related to depression. Evidence that a first episode of depression is more likely to be immediately preceded by stressful life events ….”
My readers know that I contend that, because events have no inherent meaning, there is no such thing as stressful events, or “stressors.” Stress is the result of the meaning we give events, not events themselves.
Most behavioral and emotional problems are the result primarily of beliefs; stimulus conditioning is also usually a major cause. Depression seems to be caused by more beliefs that most other problems and there also is a lot more sense conditioning. Sense conditioning is where one has conditioned a negative sense of self, or people, and/or life, which remains after all the relevant beliefs have been unlearned.
For example, a depressed person might describe his sense of self as: dark, heavy, overwhelming, powerless, can’t escape, a dark hole, worthless, what am I doing here, rejected, disconnected to others, vulnerable, fragile, and don’t care. This “feeling sense” remains after all the relevant beliefs have been unlearned, but can be totally eliminated using the Lefkoe Sense Process.
The mental suffering can be stopped
My personal and professional experience makes it clear that as painful and debilitating as depression is, it can be cured. The processes that make up The Lefkoe Method can help you unlearn the negative beliefs and de-condition the negative senses. It helped me totally eliminate my depression, which I have not experienced in many years.
According to Wikipedia, “The most-studied form of psychotherapy for depression is CBT
As I watched TV stories about Robin’s incredible career and his senseless death, I found myself thinking: “A half million self-inflicted deaths a year in the U.S. due to depression. I’ve got to find a way to let people know that being depressed is not something to be ashamed of and to hide. Depression is not necessary; it can be cured and in a relatively short period of time.”
Most depressed people don’t reach out for help. They are embarrassed by their condition. If you are depressed or have a friend, colleague, or loved one who is depressed, the first thing to do is acknowledge the extreme level of emotional pain they must be feeling. Second, don’t try to talk yourself or them out of the depression. That doesn’t work. Logic or evidence will not penetrate the emotional suffering. The best thing you can do it make real for yourself or for others that there is solution: that depression can be ended.
Let’s have Robin’s untimely death be his final contribution to people’s well-being by being the stimulus to get all of us to make sure depressed people get the help they need. I am committed to ending their mental anguish. Please join me.
A NOTE TO MY READERS:
I’m sorry that I missed posting on this blog last week. My father-in-law—Shelly’s father—passed away last weekend and we flew to Florida immediately for the funeral and to be with family for the week. I didn’t get much work done last week.
Thanks for reading my blog. Please post your questions or comments about depression and Robin William’s suicide. Disagreement is as welcome as agreement. Your comments add value for thousands of readers. I love to read them all and I will respond to as many as I can.
If you want others to improve their lives as you have with the information on my posts, please share this blog post with them by using the buttons located below.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to our belief-unlearning program where you can eliminate several limiting beliefs free.
You also can find out about Natural Confidence, an interactive digital program that enables you to eliminate 19 of the most common beliefs, which cause some of the most common behavioral and emotional problems we face.
Copyright © 2014 Morty Lefkoe
You are depressed because you are either in the past or in the future.
It’s impossible to be depressed in the now.
Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Im not sure weather my health conditions are a result of an alleged anxiety dissorder or visa versa.
i AM AWARE I HAVE HAD SEVERAL TRAUMAS ,RAPE,LOSING FATHER AT 20 AND BEING THEIR THROUGHOUT HIS CANCER,LOW SELF ASTEEM AS A RESULT OF MY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER AT 12 YEARS OF AGE.i AM 50 NOW AND A SINGLE MUM,HAD A FALL DIAGNOSED FINALLY WITH ARTHIRITIS IN MY FOOT, THIS CAUSES PAIN AND DISCOMFORT, ALSO IN LOWER BACK,IM NOW GOING FOR A COLONOSCOPY CAUSE OF TOILET TROUBLE…I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ANXIETY DISSORDER IN MARCH FOLLOWING BARELEY ANY PHYSICAL EXAMINATION,AND HAVE BEEN GIVEN PREGABALINI AS MEDICATION, FOR THE NERVOUS SYSTEM,AS I WAKE UP WITH A HORRIBLE BUZZING THROUGH MY BODY ,MY TENDANTS AND JOINTS ACHE.ALL OF A SUDDEN I FEEL OLD BURNT OUT, CANT DO VERY MUCH PHYSICALLY BEFORE I ACHE ALL OVER…i NOW GET ANXIOUS THAT SOMETHING SERIOUS IS WRONG. IVE HAD BLOOD TESTS TWO XRAYS, BOTH UPPER AND LOWER BODY,BUT STILL CANT UNDERSTAND MY PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS. IIN NOVEMBER LAST YEAR MY SON PUT ME ON A LANDMARK COURSE FOR THREE DAYS,LARGELY COVERS ALL YOU TALK ABOUT,THE MEANING WE GIVE TO EVENTS, LIVING IN THE PRESANT. I THINK I LIVE IN THE PRESNT I DONT LIVE IN THE PAST BUT IT LIVES IN ME … PRIOR TO MY SYMPTOMS I HAD A AWFUL EXPERIENCE, ONE DAY POUT OF NOWHERE THIS FEELING OF SADDNESS WAS SO OVERWHELMING FOLLOWED BY EXHAUSTION THIS WAS 9 MONTHS OR SO AGO, I WENT TO BED ONE NIGHT FELT A CRUSHING IN MY BODY, FOLLOWED BY WHAT FELT LIKE A HOT GAS GO ALL THROUGH MYT BODY,THIS WAS A WARM FEELING FOLLOWED BY A DEEP SLEEP. I JUST WANT TO FEEL WELL AGAIN, I CRY MORE EASILY BUT THAT COULD ALSO BE POST MENAPAUSE…WHERE CAN I GET ANSWERS?
Morty, Great page to allow people to share. I love your attitude, your heart and all you write. Thanks so much! Rich
We lost a true comic talent of our time, Robin Williams. More importantly we lost a contributing member of our society, someone with a family and friends which he has left behind. If what they say is true he was obviously in a place from which he could not see a way past or know how to deal. I have personally known several people who have fallen to the same despair. There was a time in my life where I felt tremendous despair as well and I am Grateful that during those times I had a couple of true friends who loved me enough to be there for me for what was sometimes many, many hours at a time helping me deal with what I was going through. I am and will forever love them for their friendship and will forever be grateful. Part of being a friend is being conscious and observant enough to see or perhaps sense when someone in your life might be suffering in a way that their words are simply not saying or which they may be incapable of expressing. As friends we must realize that to not inquire, perhaps for fear of prying could prove to be more a detriment than to inquire, pry if you might and see if you can help. Sometimes a simple act of kindness, show of friendship could make a world of difference to someone, or even save their life. If you who might be reading this are now or should ever find yourself feeling lost or in a state of despair where your thoughts might be going down a path from which there is no return, please reach out to someone, a friend, co-worker, classmate, priest, helpline, you can even reach out to me and even though I don’t know you I will do my best to help and be a friend. We all deserve a caring friend and help to carry a load which we ourselves, at a time, might simply find too heavy to carry alone. Emotional pains know no social or financial boundaries or influences. Being wealthy or famous provides no advantage as to how or what our minds and emotions can handle in a single moment. Please share and repost this in the hopes that it’s message might help just one person in need.
Morty,
Thanks for sharing your story. I, too, have been through some depressive states starting in high school. I was always the sensitive one, the voracious reader and beginning in my freshman year, feeling like I was weird and didn’t fit in as well as being too shy and awkwardly social for my own good. At one time I took an anti-depressant which made me feel spacey. Once I left home, my feelings of worthlessness grew; ended up seeing therapists and rose above the depression. The thought in my head was, “There has to be something better,” and I set out on a journey of self-help. Then, my not quite 4 year old daughter died; I thought I handled her death until I discovered myself in a deep, dark hole that from which I couldn’t climb. Another therapist. Your Natural Confidence program helped tremendously. Right now, I am breaking free of family influence and I could not have done this if I was still wrapped in depression. Sorry to hear about Shelley’s dad.
Love and Light,
Lauren
The reason people kill themselves is because they know that there’s no such thing as true happiness in this life. None. And that realization fills their entire being with disgust. This world has 2 types of people, 1)depressed 2) falsely happy
Everyday I summon the courage to self-escape this life and every morning I awake in disgust.
Chris:
Sorry you feel this way. Saying there is no true happiness in life is rather extreme though I can understand why someone with lifelong depression would feel this way. I myself wondered how people could be happy when I was stuck in a hole of despair. What do you mean by “self-escape”? Disgust about or for what?
Lauren
True happiness cannot be made manifest in this human life. There are various levels of happiness people are willing to accept, consciously or subconsciously.
By disgust, I mean my whole being feels like it’s poisoned with every ounce of demonic negativity in this world. It’s unbearably nauseating.
Self escape means I wish to fuckin god that I could get away from myself and erase all awareness of my existence so I can shrink down to a pinpoint of nothingness.
I don’t kill myself because I’m afraid of eternal life, no matter how blissful. I don’t want to exist. Sleep is the only relief
Chris, If you don’t mind me saying you seem yourself to be very depressed as you seem to see no value in living only fear of not. If you ever need a friend, please reach out to someone, or even to me if I could lend an ear and a heart! I will look for any comments here. I hope you have a happy day! Rich
Hi Chris,
Sorry to hear that you experience life as so unpleasant. I too felt that way for many years, but after eliminating a bunch of beliefs and conditionings, my experience of life shifted totally and I no longer feel that way.
Although it doesn’t seem as if there is a way out when you are in the middle of it, there is a way out.
Love, Morty
I appreciate the replies.
Morty, if your program could eliminate my beliefs, what would take their place? Would I look at existence/awareness in a positive way?
Hi Morty;
I, too, have suffered bouts of depression. I lost my only younger brother to suicide because of his bipolar depression 12 years ago. I have become aware of the behavior in many people I know because of this tragedy. I know it is genetic, and I also see signs in my own daughter.
My heart is saddened with Robin Williams’ passing. As he was such a loved and renowned soul, I believe this will be a huge spotlight on an illness that has been more or less hidden from view. The time has come to educate not only health care practitioners, but young and old in all walks of life so we can all learn to deal with difficult memories, experiences and feelings of overwhelming helplessness (without the drugs). One more life lost to depression is one too many.
Morty,
thank you very much for everything all you products…I hope they reach as many people as possible.
In my opinion if we can get you tools taught in school (to 14 or 15 year old) and have them practice them as part of gaining credit, that would be awesome. Because almost everyone goes to school and if they are at least exposed and understand the concepts like WAIR?, later in life they could always do more reading or get help incase they are depressed. I think the most people who are depressed think there is no way out, and such information in school (which also gives it more credibility) will convince them otherwise.
Dear Morty,
Thanks for speaking up. I had the same reaction as you and told myself, I should drop everything and start a “depression no more.com” website. I have been through years of depression and bipolar illness and,of course, if I told the doctors I got out of it through emotional clearing with EFT (see http://www.emofree.com) they would only shrug their shoulders and say: “Probably it wasn´t real depression or truly bipolar illness then. I am a medical doctor myself and I know them.
Truth is, the psychiatrist drove me nuts with the medication, which made me not know who I am, and the therapists only made everything worse by keeping inquiring how bad I was doing, which gave me the message there is a sickness that we don´t know how to cure, instead of telling me how to drop the underlying wrong assumptions about life, emotions, and beliefs. You and me know how foolish they are, but the whole culture lives by them, so that you can´t even tell anybody.
Anyway, EFT and the Lefkoe method work and the truth will eventually prevail.
But I am really sorry I couldn´t help Robin Williams.
P.S.: The fact that such a smart and caring man could not get appropriate help, or come out and drop his public fassade of success and happiness and cry out for help, shows the pressure a society focused on false beliefs can exert on us.
Thanks for your good work,
Michael
It is a very sad topic to discuss… I’d like to recommend to see more about depression here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J7XJBM4
It is free now. The cause of suicide is much deeper then we think…
We all go through that stage in our lives where we get depressed about something. Even children get depressed {Can you imagine the innocence of a child being taken away by such forces?} Now that I say that, I was a teenager when it hit me. As I got older, I learned that depression and doing something drastic is a cry for attention, feeling unloved and unwanted. My heart ached to hear of Mr. Robin Williams passing. He will always be a legend. He made me laugh when I didn’t want to laugh. He had his own style of making people laugh. . .no one else like him. He was given respect by other comedians; Just simply gorgeous!!!! You never know what goes on in the minds of those we look up to. They are just like we are; the is the only difference is they make a living doing what they love and we have yet to reach goals we take so long to accomplish
We all go through that stage in our lives where we get depressed about something. Even children get depressed {Can you imagine the innocence of a child being taken away by such forces?} Now that I say that, I was a teenager when it hit me. As I got older, I learned that depression and doing something drastic is a cry for attention, feeling unloved and unwanted. My heart ached to hear of Mr. Robin Williams passing. He will always be a legend. He made me laugh when I didn’t want to laugh. He had his own style of making people laugh. . .no one else like him. He was given respect by other comedians; Just simply gorgeous!!!! You never know what goes on in the minds of those we look up to. They are just like we are; the is the only difference is they make a living doing what they love and we have yet to reach goals we take so long to accomplish
Thank you Morty for posting this. I too have depression and after 8 years on medication which made me numb and unfeeling zombie like, I have been without meds for 9 years, thanks to Access Conciousness tools, and people like you and Joseph Clough, who show that there is a way to overcome the black dog. I do belief it will always be with me but with the different tools and not being ashamed about the “mental ” illness, people around me are also aware and can let me know that I am letting darkness slip in and I can then make sure I use the tools I have to overcome it and know that I am a worthy person and have a contribution to the world.
I also find it sad that Robin was not able to find that before he made the choice to leave. May his death not be in vain.
Hi Carol – I wanted to introduce myself as someone who has suffered with major depression, anxiety and PTSD for over 50 years as a result of severe and proplonged childhood abuse. I was on medication and tried just about every kind of talk therapy and alternative health therapies available and nothing lifted until I discovered Morty’s program and systematically eliminated all of the beliefs that fed the depression. I’m happy to agree with Morty. His program works!
And to Chris – I was on social security too when I purchased the program, and it was worth the sacrifices I made to afford it!
Hi Morty
Love your work and what you’ve written. I first suffered depression in my early 20’s and was administered Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) AAaagh! I didn’t know in those days that I was responsible for my health and not any so called expert.
Now aged 68 after years of ‘clearing’ work I live most of my life in a constant state of peace and quiet joy thanks to the dedication I have given to my mind training.
I’m a teacher/student of A Course In Miracles and have learned that underneath anything unpleasant I experience is a belief in guilt (unconscious) and a lack of self forgiveness.I think that all of this depression in the world has this same, unconscious guilt, at its root. That’s why I love your work because it gets to the CAUSE and not just the EFFECT.
Thankx for sharing with us…
Light to You and Shely!
Hug :)
Carlos
Hi Morty,
I’m glad you posted this. I have been suffering from depression, and yes it’s has been brought on by stressful events which I have ruminated on for years. I am an anxious person, which has been amplified since the birth of my daughter almost 14 years ago, so I guess you could say unbalanced hormones + anxiety + stress has seen my depression worsen as I have surpassed 50. I do not at all feel as desperate as Robin did to end his life, but there are days when I so do despair and feel lonely and alone in my world, it is indeed an awful feeling that is hard to describe to those that have never experienced it. My husband does not help me at all, he has no compassion or understanding of how I feel, which makes it that much worse. If I knew that I could be conditioned enough to work with your program to eliminate my depression then I would, but my self control is weak, and I often begin things and don’t carry on through. How do I get through that? I wish there was a computer chip that could be planted in the brain to help me!!
Carry on the good work Morty.
Hi Carol,
You don’t need a computer chip. Just an hour a week to unlearn beliefs and de-condition conditionings.
If you have an appointment once a week with a certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator and you show up, we can help you get rid of your depression.
Call us for more information at (415) 506-4472.
Love, Morty
Hello all, Thank you for your insightful comments. I’m not a medical professional, but am highly interested in this topic and of course Morty’s fabulous work. Carol, I respect your article and of course, you have a great background. A close friend’s 33-year-old son had a wonderful life, beautiful joyous wife, 4-year-old little girl, and a great career. He was depressed over a very difficult incident he had recently encountered as an EMT, so a doctor prescribed a drug for depression. Out of a clear blue sky he killed himself. This is such a deeply troubling topic and Morty, I feel so supportive of what you do. I would like to incorporate some of your concepts in reaching out to my audiences with what you do.
Hi Morty, your article is the article you won’t see in the media. Here in the UK I couldn’t find anything like this in the wake of Robin Williams’ death. Basically their take is that depression is little understood.
Dear Morty,
Thank you for the post. I am a 22 year thriver of major depressive disorder myself as well as a licensed clinical mental health practitioner. I too have worked with 1,000’s of people, many of them after a suicide attempt and helping them get to well.
I am concerned that the discussion about depression is leaving out some very critical points: While stress can trigger the ONSET of a depressive episode, severe depression is NOT CAUSED by stress. I like to explain to my patients that: STRESS opens the gates for the illness to come flying through.
By saying the severe depression is simply the result of one’s beliefs is to me to continue to place fault on the individual. That it is their faulty beliefs that are the cause of their suffering from severe depression. It continues to work against the great work of many organizations such as Depression Bipolar Support Alliance and NAMI.
Suicide can be attempted because people are hopeless but here is a VERY different hopelessness that comes with clinical depression. Science is showing that depression is not just a psychology experience but a PHYSICAL existence as well. There is much great research to show the changes that exist in the brain of a person with severe depression.
I agree that medication may be excessively used in todays times. However, it has a critical part in a persons recovery from severe depression. I have yet to work with an individual who was suffering from suicidal depression where CBT alone was effective. At that point, medication and a safe treatment environment are required.
The other point is that depression can be connected to Bipolar disorder, which is not treated with CBT or belief retraining. Medication is required to stabilize a persons mood. The only way to know if its just depression or a depressive episode of bipolar disorder is to see an experienced mental health practitioner.
Thank you for sharing your own experiences. I believe the work you do can have a critical role in the quality of people’s lives. I believe that sometimes people need MORE.
Respectfully,
Carol L Rickard, LCSW
Hi Morty, I’m so glad you wrote this. I’m not someone who experiences depression, but I most certainly know many who do. And as I go through your course I can most definitely see how helpful it would be to my friends and family who do suffer from depression.
I appreciate the healing work you are doing.
Blessings, Elle. :-)
Hi Morty
if you want to reach more people do you think reducing your prices so your programs areaffordable to more people would help? I have problems and on social security and cannot afford them.
Chris
Hi Morty, I’ve never understood depression, as it’s something alien to my way of thinking. I understand it’s a disease and it’s relentless. I’m glad I’ll never really know what it’s like. The many people in my life who suffer from it, rely on medication to control it, but I’ve always wanted them to try a behaviour therapy or something like it to complement the pharmaceuticals with a view to reducing them or eliminating them.
It’s so hard to talk about with them, if the conversation is sparked by a particularly bad episode, then even talking about ‘fixing’ the problem draws anger as they’ve been told all their lives that ‘nothing else will help’ other than the drugs.
I don’t want my friends to ‘go cold turkey’ even if CBT was working, as it’s dangerous, but finding a way of bringing it up without being called names and being a focal point of anger is a tough one. Where do you start? How do you do it without coming off as a self righteous douche?
Never say never. Depression can come at any time any place and at any age. I have seen many stories of people with successful lives that undergo a chemical imbalance in their brain and suffer from depression at ages 40+.
Bec,
when you talk about “fixing” “the problem” and they get angry, I think it’s because they see it as you trying to fix *them*, judging them. Especially since you talk about “coming off as self-righteous.” I think the most effective way to not do that… is to let them know that it’s alright to be depressed. Be there for them with compassion, let them know you understand they’re in pain, and say first and foremost that yes, it’s okay to be depressed. You can’t change something if you say it’s not alright for it to be that way in the first place.
This is something I’m currently trying to learn for myself.
Hey Christine, thanks and yes, I think my words ‘fix’ and ‘problem’ are a definite red flag. I am OK with my friends being who they are, otherwise they wouldn’t be my friends, but I hate seeing the effects of the disease. I’m sure it comes down to my terrible interpretation of what depression is. I know that being there for them is a huge help but the decision not to try really gets me. But maybe that’s one of my limiting beliefs, that they’ve consciously decided to succumb?
What a mine-field. I’m glad it’s something we can all talk about in the quest to reduce the effects of depression.
Here’s a radical thought: what if they had consciously decided to succumb? Would that be alright? (check it out)
Now, I’m pretty darn sure they haven’t consciously decided to be depressed – in fact, I believe depression to be by definition being *unconscious*, of negative beliefs and thoughts, and the actions they cause us to take, that we wouldn’t do for one second if we actually saw them clearly.
But just think, if you said to someone… “if you’d like to be depressed, go right ahead. Be depressed for the rest of your life if you want to, I won’t love you any less for it. I’ll help you get out of depression if you’d like me to, I’ll give you all the help I can, you’re free to ask, I’m here. But if you’d like to stay in depression, even if that’s forever and ever, I won’t interfere, that’s perfectly okay, it’s your choice.” Isn’t that… real love? To allow a person to feel whatever they’re feeling, to let them be in whatever state they want to be in? We naturally (I mean, if nothing interfered) want to be in a joyful state. But if we feel we *have* to be in a certain state, we are by definition not free, not joyful. It’s impossible to feel joyful, loving (towards self and others), free, self-accepting, and feel like you *have* to, at the same time. The two are diametrically opposed.
So wouldn’t a way to help someone get out of depression – or at least *allow* them to if they so choose – be to apply that part of the joyful state, the allowance and acceptance, to the depression? When a person fully accepts however they feel… they aren’t depressed. And furthermore, if you feel fully accepted and fully allowed to be whoever you are, you *really* aren’t depressed. So maybe you should be bold, and do the maverick thing they won’t do for themselves (or perhaps they would… if they felt allowed to!) and *accept* them ;)
The part that you hate seeing the effects of the disease doesn’t seem to me to be in conflict at all. You could say to someone “I’m really sorry you feel this way”, and show lots of sympathy to them, and that probably wouldn’t bother them unless they think you’re being pitying and that has a demeaning meaning to them. Anyway, it’s not bad in itself.
I’m really just trying to teach myself something here, so if I seem like I’m the one who “knows” something, feel free to club me over the head. Thank you for talking about this.
Bec: Imagine this crazy event:
You have a terrible problem with cash flow, and are about to be thrown out of your apartment. Your friends get together and try to convince you that all you need to do is learn to be fluent in Russian and Portuguese by next week (so that you can take a job as an interpreter making twice what you make.) They collect lesson plans and videos, they’re raring to help you. They have stories about how Sarah did just exactly that, and she’s delighted with the results.
Of course they want you to skip work, and ignore your creditors while you study.
You’d probably be pretty hosed off at these crazy friends, that want you to do stuff that won’t work and will probably make your problem worse. You might want to unfriend them and bury your head under your pillow.
Well, that’s exactly how normal people sound in the middle of a depressive state. What they are proposing sounds cartoonish and destructive, even malevolent. And nothing you say can make these nuts calm down and understand how insane they really sound. The only thing that you accomplish, as you try to explain yourself, is making yourself feel more convinced of how hopeless this is. Of course, that’s because that’s what depression is(in my understanding of my experience): the instinct to avoid hope and industry.
So, stop asking them to help themselves, or to feel hope. The questions in The Lefkoe Belief Process would probably help, if you can come up with the right belief. After running through several successful sessions, they might feel enough better to start trying again. This, according to David D. Burns, author of “Feeling Good”, usually signals (or causes) that the depression is lifting.
Bec: Imagine this crazy event:
You have a terrible problem with cash flow, and are about to be thrown out of your apartment. Your friends get together and try to convince you that all you need to do is learn to be fluent in Russian and Portuguese by next week (so that you can take a job as an interpreter making twice what you make.) They collect lesson plans and videos, they’re raring to help you. They have stories about how Sarah did just exactly that, and she’s delighted with the results.
Of course they want you to skip work, and ignore your creditors while you study.
You’d probably be pretty hosed off at these crazy friends, that want you to do stuff that won’t work and will probably make your problem worse. You might want to unfriend them and bury your head under your pillow.
Well, that’s exactly how normal people sound in the middle of a depressive state. What they are proposing sounds cartoonish and destructive, even malevolent. And nothing you say can make these nuts calm down and understand how insane they really sound. The only thing that you accomplish, as you try to explain yourself, is making yourself feel more convinced of how hopeless this is. Of course, that’s because that’s what depression is(in my understanding of my experience): the instinct to avoid hope and industry.
So, stop asking them to help themselves, or to feel hope. The questions in The Lefkoe Belief Process would probably help, if you can come up with the right belief. After running through several successful sessions, they might feel enough better to start trying again. This, according to David D. Burns, author of “Feeling Good”, usually signals (or causes) that the depression is lifting.