How to take better care of you even if you have too much to do

[Morty 00:00:17] and I since the very beginning of this journey and she’s going to interview me today for a short blog post. Hi Letha.

Letha: Hi, Shelly. Hello everyone. We’re going to talk today about self-care and I’m going to ask Shelly some important questions. It’s all about living an intentional life. And I know you’ll love that Shel. Okay, number one. What do you mean by being intentional with your self-care?

Shelly: Well, we’re going to actually talk about self-care, relationships, career. We’re going to make this a series and today we’re going to focus on self-care, but I want to talk about living an intentional life. So what I mean by that is most of us live life kind of with what shows up. So, you meet somebody, you go on a date, and you have a great time and you enjoy each other’s company. Then after a few dates you have sex and that’s really great, and the next thing you know, you’re in a relationship.

The same thing is true with our self-care. We get up in the morning, we have to go to work, we have to do what’s in front of us, we have a million errands to do, we have to drive the kids around and we do not intentionally look at these areas of our lives and think, how do I want it to be? What do I want it to look like? And have a vision of what would it be like if your self-care was something that you actually thought about and planned? What if you-

Letha: So why is it so important to … sorry. Why is being intentional with self-care so important? [inaudible 00:02:03] sort of.

Shelly: Yeah. Because we all have beliefs that keep our behavior going on automatic. We do things very automatically. So, for instance, if you have a belief other people’s needs are more important than mine, or putting yourself first is selfish, then you are not going to take care of yourself, you’re going to just find yourself taking care of other people very automatically. If you have a belief what makes me good enough are my achievements, are you going to be at the gym or are you going to be at the office? So-

Letha: So, you’re saying there are lots of things that get in the way of self-care.

Shelly: Absolutely. And by becoming intentional about what you want it to look like, which is the first step. So, if you say this is my body, this body is taking me through the rest of my life, how do I want to age? So, for me, I have a belief that the most important thing to me is that I’m able to live a full life, so when I go to Hawaii, and my daughter says, “Mom, you want to go hiking?”, I don’t say how high, how long, how far, I just say yes. That makes me feel young and alive and vibrant and that’s how I want to be in life.

Given those beliefs I am at the gym six days a week and it’s not something I think about, it’s not … I just get up and if my conversation is, oh, you only had five hours of sleep last night, next, and I go to the gym. So, our beliefs determine what we do and what we don’t do.

Letha: So, how do I become more intentional with my self-care?

Shelly: Well, the first thing you want to do is actually stop and think. Am I taking care of myself? What is the food that I put into my body? Does the food have positive energy? Is it clean? Is it healthy? Does it make me feel alive? One of my clients said to me yesterday, a McDonald’s hamburger has negative energy and a bowl of … I forget what she said, sauteed kale, has positive energy. It was very … It was cute. But if you think about it, that’s really true. What are you, how are you feeding your body? You put good gas in your car. Are you putting good food in your body? Are you exercising? Do you sleep well? So, you want to take stock of, wait, stop, because so many of us get on this treadmill. You know, I get up in the morning, I go to work, I take my kids to school, I pick them up, I make dinner, I go to my meetings, you know, whatever it is that you fill your life with becomes what you fill your life with.

So, the first thing is to stop and look, how am I taking care of myself? Am I taking care of myself? I once said to my kids, my mother always put us first. Her belief was that putting your children first was the most important thing in life. I remember being a child and wishing that she took better care of herself. I wished that she would do things for herself rather than just me. You know what, I’m not going to have my kids do that. So, sometimes I’d say to my kids, “What you want is very important. Mommy needs to take a bath right now. I need to relax from the day and then you’ll have a full mommy who’s ready to be with you instead of an exhausted mommy.”

Letha: So, I absolutely hear what you’re saying. I believe what you’re saying. But how does the typical person get started? What do they do? I know they really want to have that kind of intention, but how do they really get started?

Shelly: The first thing is to make a commitment to do this, to say, “I’m important.” I really do believe that if you are at your best, you’re going to be better at work, you’re going to be a better parent, you’re going to be better in your relationship because you’re taken care of. So, if I’m taken care of, my needs are being met, which is a very common belief by the way, you know, my needs aren’t important, if my needs are being met, I’m going to be way more available to the people in my life and to the things in my life because I’m okay.

So I think the first thing that one of the ways in which you can start helping yourself is to actually work with me to get rid of your beliefs that are in the way of you taking care of yourself. Or, you can just sit down and ask yourself, “What do I believe that has me not doing this?” What would somebody have to believe to not exercise when you all know exercise is important. I mean, sleep is important. Eating healthily is important. This is not opinion. It’s not controversial. We know what to do and we don’t do it because our beliefs are in the way.

So, if you go to bookshelly.com and get on my calendar, I promise I will help you get rid of the beliefs in the way. If you can’t [inaudible 00:07:19]-

Letha: That’s bookshelly.com? Bookshelly.com. Okay, cool.

Shelly: Getasession.com which is how you purchase a session. So, I really believe that it’s important enough to stop and ask yourself the questions. What must I believe? And if you could get rid of those beliefs on your own go for it, and if you can’t, I’m there to help.

Letha: Well, I know the process works, so I’m hoping that people will jump in and give you a call or go to … What are the websites again?

Shelly: Getasession.com and bookshelly.com

Letha: Cool.

Shelly: I want to say one more thing. One of the most common beliefs that people have is I’m not important. And if you don’t think you have the belief, ask yourself what makes you important and if you didn’t do, be, or have that thing, would you still feel important? ‘Cause if don’t hear important you don’t need to win, you don’t need to get straight A’s, you don’t need to achieve, you don’t need to please people, you just are.

Letha: You just are.

Shelly: I’m not important, it’s one of the main beliefs that keeps us from taking care of ourselves.

Letha: And I know there’re more.

Shelly: And there’s lots more.

Letha: Yeah. I got it. Hey, this has been fun, let’s do another soon.

Shelly: Let’s.

Letha: Okay.

Shelly: Thanks everybody. Thanks for listening. Hope this was helpful.

Letha: Great.