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Are you one of the millions of people who have been unable to find a loving, fulfilling, and exciting relationship?
I am convinced that everyone can have the relationship of his dreams if he got rid of the beliefs that get in the way. I speak from experience because I had two marriages that failed because of my limiting self-esteem and relationship beliefs. After eliminating them I found and married Shelly, to whom I will be married 30 years in just a few months. People who know us are inspired by the incredible relationship we have.
People can have several different types of relationship problems. Either they can’t find one (and they hate the dating game), or they had one and it failed (leading to a lot of emotional pain and upset), or they are still in one that just doesn’t work or isn’t nurturing (leading to constant unhappiness, frustration, and anger).
There is a fourth possibility that is even worse: being in a relationship that doesn’t really work and assuming that this is the best a relationship can possibly be. That leads to constant dissatisfaction, but no hope for improvement because people in this situation don’t think anything better is possible.
We’ve been asked many times to create a package of beliefs and conditionings that would help people in each one of these situations. Unfortunately, because each relationship is so different, the beliefs and conditionings involved also can be different, so a generic DVD program for the “average” person is impossible (at least at the moment, because nothing is ever really impossible in the long run).
I can, however, describe the type of beliefs and conditionings involved in different types of relationship problems. To begin with, negative self-esteem beliefs are usually involved in all of them, apart from the specific beliefs and conditionings related to specific problems. So beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, I’m not deserving, etc. are a partial cause of almost any relationship problem.
Here are some of the beliefs that our clients, who have had a wide variety of relationship problems, have shared with us.
If you are having a hard time forming a relationship, you probably believe: Relationships are difficult. This can exist in various forms, such as Relationships don’t work, relationships require a lot of effort, etc. You probably believe men/women can’t be trusted. Other common beliefs are: There are no good men/women left out there. Marriage is suffocating. I’ll lose myself in a relationship. Men are jerks/selfish/dangerous/ have all the power/cheat. One self-esteem belief that is very applicable to relationship problems is I’m unlovable. All of the beliefs that cause a lack of confidence (see the list in the Natural Confidence program
If you’re just left a failed relationship, you are likely to have concluded a bunch of negative beliefs about yourself and your former partner (which you probably hold as applicable to an entire gender) based on the specific problems you had in the relationship. You also ought to check out the beliefs involved in feeling like a victim, which include: Life is difficult, I’ll never get what I want, Things never work out for me, People can’t be trusted, and I can’t count on others.
If you are in a relationship that doesn’t work but you stay in it, you probably have many of the beliefs already mentioned, in addition to: This is all I deserve. I’ll never find anything better. I can’t make it on my own. I need a man/woman in order to survive. One very common problem in non-nurturing relationships is a fear of conflict and anger. This is usually caused by Anger is dangerous and Conflict is dangerous, along with two conditionings: Fear associated with anger and fear associated with conflict. The fear of anger and conflict keep people from standing up for themselves and saying what they want and need. And when their partner expresses anger it leads to withdrawal instead of a conversation to resolve the issue. (That was a major problem of mine for most of my life.)
In my recent post about not knowing what you don’t know (https://www.mortylefkoe.com/dont-dont/), I pointed out that often we don’t strive for something better in various areas of our life because we don’t think there is anything better. This is certainly true of relationships. Despite the fact that half of all marriages end in divorce, there are so many unhappy couples that stay together because the partners aren’t aware that something better is even possible. Such people can have any of the beliefs already mentioned, in addition to beliefs that blind them to the possibility that a better relationship is possible.
Please share your thoughts about what makes relationships work and not work with me and your fellow readers. And if you’ve identified any specific beliefs I didn’t mention that underlie any type of relationship problem, please share them also.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
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copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe
Morty,
You wrote on your article “This can exist in various forms, such as Relationships don’t work, relationships require a lot of effort, etc.” What are other common negative relationship beliefs that you didn’t mention?
Hi Juan,
I wrote a blog post that lists different beleifs for different types of relationship difficulties. https://www.mortylefkoe.com/relationship-problems/
Love, Morty
i am Mrs mercy i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just
want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted DR. omoba for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me
and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Dr omoba shrine casted on him that made him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR. omoba for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want
you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact dromobaspellhome@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved.
This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and i am truly
happy to read everthing at single place.
Hi Mr. Morty Lefkoe,
You should check out Doc Love in http://www.DocLove.com
Like yourself, being in contact with 13000 clients – Doc Love has spent most of his life interviewing women. He has interviewed more than 10000 women, “why they choose to stay with one man versus another.”
This guy’s information will transform your view on romantic relationships between a man and woman.
Thanks for spending time on creating Natural Confidence. It really worked.
– P.L.
My “belief” is all relationships are a mirror of how much you love yourself. We need to look with-in to find the love we seek; it is never outside of ourselves. This realization and acceptance of our imperfect, perfect selves will alone set you free. From this point you are free to build relationships on your sense of wholeness, reflecting unconditional self-worth and love.
I agree with everything you said. I wish I could eliminate all of the negative beliefs that I have in my life. I have told you this many times before and please tell me if you want me to stop, but I really feel that what you have learned about eliminating beliefs is very powerful and should be shared with the whole world for FREE. I think you should train an army of people that know how to do this and can help others to eliminate their negative beliefs. Imagine a world where everyone knew this information. Think of how wonderful it would be. Please seriously consider giving this information away for free and finding another way to make your money (offer coaching, training, etc) But I think this needs to be shared with everyone. I can see you opening up your website and giving the information and process away for free and then charging for going deeper into the information. You have talked about this in lots of your posts (thinking about millions of people knowing how to do this, and also what you want to do for the rest of your life). Please think about the contribution this can have on the world. Give the info away, watch how it will change your life. If you start creating an army of people doing this, then millions of people will be flocking tor your site to learn more about it and spread the word to everyone.
Also, about relationships, couldn’t you create an online questionnaire that discovers what beliefs are plaguing someones relationship and then address those specific beliefs?
Please think about it and keep creating this great site! I really appreciate it!
Hi Joseph,
What is it you think I should give away free? Three of the most common limiting beliefs. We already do that.
I think about giving away Natural Confidence free but there are two problems with that. I wouldn’t earn enough money from our other activities to pay the salaries of my staff and pay other expenses. And second, a product that is free is not considered valuable and a lot of people would download it and then never use it.
We are about to offer a training to help people learn how to eliminate beliefs. The fee will not be expensive, but I will have to charge something for my time in creating the course and then in delivering it.
I don’t mind your suggestion. I’d love to get our work into the hands of millions. Do you have specific suggestions on what to give free and how to make money after I do that?
Love, Morty
yes , I agree. I am of millions…
Recently , 1 month ago I met cool girl and know she is my lover. This is first time when I am pissed that I am only a lover. I want her as girl friend but she is living in brand new house with her boyfriend. When she talked about their coming marriage I asked her if she is thinkg he is Mr. right? she answered shortly” I don´t know , we are long time together.”
we both are under influence our limiting beliefs….
I currently think that all what is not working out in our life is mentioned to be a area what we need to improve. We need to accept it and work with it.
I do not think that you need to walk away from the relationship, in my mind thereś possible to have one partner ( the one you feel you like to spend years together, even if you know what kind of person he is ).
So you need to do the work within yourself , if the work is done you see changes occur.
I have a background of split family, my parents divorced when i was 11. I have some failed relationships in past where i have been dumped. I now work with those issues cause i want to be with my current partner and i know it should be possible. We only we put limitations in our way.
We need to understand that person in our life is not I. I am I and He is He , so when i let the person to step in my life i take responsibility to accept him as he is ( or her ). But what we do, we mirror our behavior to them, thinking that ou he is like me, but in truth he is not! We think that he can´t do things differently than i, he can´t think differently than i and when we realize that he is not like i , there comes breakup or divorce.
Also people tend to rush to get children and marry too quickly. At first damn learn to accept that person in your life without trying to change him. And getting to know person and accept him/her as they are takes much longer than a year or two. If you then see that i can accept him/her as he /she is and your partner accepts You go ahead and make further steps.
But don´t forget, to work with yourself during that time and further on, we here need to do that constant selfhelp work so far when we leave this earth. Or when you get enlightened :P what might happen or might not, depends your efforts!