You can’t deal effectively with reality if you don’t know what it is

If you’ve been reading my recent blogs you learned that one benefit of dissolving your occurrings (the meanings you assign to the countless events that you encounter daily) is getting rid of virtually all your negative feelings and emotional stress.

I then wrote about another benefit: creating possibilities that didn’t exist for you before.

Today I want to explain a third benefit of dissolving occurrings, one that is at least as important as the first two: Dissolving your occurrings enables you to deal with “what is,” instead of an imagined “what is” that has meaning (usually negative) attached. That enables you to be a lot more effective in life in general and in reaching your goals in particular.

How do our occurrings sabotage our effectiveness in life?

Imagine you encountered the following events in your life and gave them the following meanings:

1. Event: Thinking about getting a lot of work done during the day. Don’t know where I should start though.

Occurring: I’m not going to be able to figure this out.

2. Event: Walked in the tech staff room, said hello to three of my colleagues, and not one of them said hello.

Occurring: I don’t really fit in with these guys.

3. Event: In bed at night thinking about everything I have to do at work.

Occurring: I’ll never get it all done.

Remember: Our occurrings (how events occur to us) seem to us to be the truth. They seem to be inherent in the events. So when we have to deal with those events, we assume the occurrings are part of the event and deal with them too.

Take a look at example #1. If you really believe that you aren’t going to be able to figure out how to do all the work you have to do, you probably won’t do it. If you realize that the occurring is not part of the event, that it is merely something that you added, the occurring will dissolve. Is it real to you that your ability to deal with the event improves considerably as soon as you remove the occurring from the event?

Take a look at examples # 2 and #3. If you don’t fit in with these guys, there’s not much you can do. If that isn’t true and all that happened is that they didn’t say hello, there are a lot of possible actions you could take. And if you’ll never get it all done, your options for action are pretty well closed. If that isn’t true, then there are a lot of options that suddenly arise.

You can’t deal effectively with reality if you don’t know what it is

It should be clear that most of us rarely deal with what is actually happening to us moment to moment. Instead we deal with events that have meaning attached to them. The chances of us dealing with reality effectively is not very good if we think all our occurrings are true.

Do you really get that most of what you think your loved ones did or said, they didn’t really do or say? In other words, a large part of any “event” is meaning you’ve assigned to it, for example, if you ask her to pick up something for you and she doesn’t, that incident might occur to you as: She doesn’t care about me.

Can you see that you would react one way to someone who didn’t pick up something for you (you’d probably ask, why didn’t you?) and another way to someone who doesn’t care about you?

What about at work? A client doesn’t return a phone call. That’s not too hard to deal with: Call them back. Maybe they never got the first message. Maybe they’ve been busy. But if inherent in the event is that the client is unhappy with you and doesn’t want to deal with you any more, then you are dealing with a totally different event.

What I want to emphasize is that dissolving your occurrings enables you to deal with “what is,” instead of an imagined “what is” that has meaning (usually negative) attached.

You improve the quality of your life in three ways

If you haven’t used the web-based Lefkoe Freedom Process-App to dissolve your occurrings yet, I strongly suggest you to do it now. And notice all three of the benefits from doing it (it only takes about three minutes to dissolve an occurring):

1. Your negative feelings dissolve immediately, along with any stress that accompanies those feelings.
2. You see possibilities for dealing with reality that you didn’t see before.
3. You are more effective in dealing with reality because you are dealing with what’s really “out there,” instead of an “out there” viewed through the filter of meanings.

Thanks for reading my blog. Please share your thoughts about the three benefits from dissolving your occurrings and your experience in dissolving occurrings using the LFP-App. Disagreement is as welcome as agreement. Your comments add value for thousands of readers. I love to read them all and I will respond to as many as I can.

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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to our interactive online belief-unlearning program where you can unlearn several limiting beliefs free.

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Copyright © 2015 Morty Lefkoe