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A friend of mine who has been a teacher in, and a student of, the personal growth business for over 25 years called me the other day for help.
He seemed to be sabotaging himself in a project that he thought could make a profound difference in people’s lives. The problem seemed to be that in order to move it forward he might have to hire some people and actually start a business. In other words, he’d have to “become a businessman.” He didn’t want to do that—and that led us to the root of the problem.
He discovered a bunch of negative beliefs he had about running a business and making money—as distinct from contributing to people and making a difference in their lives, which is all he’s wanted to do for most of his life. (He had run several businesses earlier in his life and, while successful, his experience had been deeply unsatisfying.)
As I named some beliefs that could account for his self-sabotage, he said: “I’ve been working on these beliefs for over 25 years. But something is still there. It’s like the beliefs are ropes that started with over a hundred strands and are now down to the last one or two. The beliefs you just mentioned still seem a little bit true.”
I realized at that moment one of the crucial differences between The Lefkoe Method (TLM) and most other personal growth disciplines (including most psychotherapies) is that the latter frequently attempt to improve your situation while TLM is committed to totally eliminating your problem, by getting rid of all the beliefs and conditionings that cause a problem.
For example, we ask clients with a fear of public speaking to rate their fear on a scale from 1-10, one being no fear at all and 10 being terror. People who rate their fear from 8-10 often say they would be happy to reduce their fear to below a 5 level. Nonetheless, we offer a money-back guarantee that the fear will be eliminated, in other words, reduced to no more than a “2,” which is barely noticeable and that has no adverse impact on them at all.
So if you work on a problem long enough using other disciplines, you probably can reduce its impact on you. But the problem is unlikely to disappear completely until you eliminate the real source of the problem: all the relevant beliefs and conditionings.
In last week’s post I explained how beliefs are formed and what it takes to eliminate them totally, https://www.mortylefkoe.com/eliminate-beliefs-good/. Anything less than that and some sense that the belief still is true (a few strands of the rope) probably will remain.
At best, if you try to get rid of the relevant beliefs by trying to convince yourself that the beliefs are illogical and self-defeating, you will not succeed if you still think you “saw” them in the world and you still think that repeatedly feeling your beliefs means they must be true.
At worst, if you try to get rid of a problem without even attempting to eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that are the primary cause of the problem, the problem might be reduced somewhat, but it’s unlikely to disappear.
In either case, the last “couple of stands” will continue to affect you in major or subtle ways.
I don’t know that TLM is the only technique that completely and permanently eliminates the beliefs that cause the problems that undercut your happiness and success in life. But if you are looking for a solution to your problems, make sure you find one that promises to permanently and completely eliminate it, not merely one that claims to reduce it.
Please let me know with a comment below what your experience has been in minimizing problems versus eliminating them.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
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Copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe
Hello Morty,
thank you for your answer, I will just continue eliminating beliefs and see how it goes. I think the question I have is with racism, where people are actually attacked only because they look different or is there also a hidden belief that is driving this experience for them in life? What I mean is: if one side holds a negative belief about for example black people, i.e. he or she has given a certain meaning to this race that causes anger in them, and the black person herself even doesn’t hold this belief, will this prevent the black person from being attacked or not? What I understand now is that people can be subject to other people’s meaning about themselves (that they are unimportant or worthless or whatsoever) and even if they don’t hold this belief themselves, they will be subject to other’s people’s behaviours and suffer the consequences. Or is it so that only black people who themselves hold a matching belief to the racists meaning about their race will be involved in conflicts? I am asking this because we have here a growing conflict potential and I feel your work could be extremely helpful to reduce it, I just don’t know would it be enough to just work with one side or does it have to be both? Like Izzy Kalman with his Bulliestobuddies program, he actually mainly works with the victims and the bullying stops in most cases.
Thank you for your work. Best regards
Claudia
I have so far (may be) eliminated 10 beliefs, so still at the beginning, but I can already feel a difference in my life. The biggest change comes from the “who am I” technique. It helps me to catch myself when I get lost in thoughts and feelings that are caused by beliefs, that is so incredibly valuable, thanks a lot, so at least I realize that I give meaning to events. With respect to eliminating the beliefs, however, I had it now several times that a belief that I felt was gone after doing the exercise, was back in a certain context. I just had a situation at work where I realized that I held a belief like: I am not deserving (of a pay raise) because I am not good enough. Both beliefs “I’m not deserving” and “I’m not good enough” I thought I had already eliminated, but here they were again. From this I have two questions, I hope you find the time to answer them.
In the exercise on deserving it says that “my feelings don’t tell anything about whether I am deserving or not”. While this feels true, it seems that in order to actually feel deserving, I would need to know, who or what then tells me whether I am deserving or not? When the belief I’m not deserving was eliminated, I no longer felt “not deserving” but somehow I also didn’t feel deserving, it just seemed it is not an issue any more. But how is this then when I am in a situation where other people hold beliefs about me being not deserving?
It says in the exercise that events ultimately have no inherent meaning. While it sounds logical, isn’t it in reality so that everybody brings his or her own meaning to a situation and to other people? How do other people’s beliefs or meanings influence me? If somebody has the strong belief that I am not deserving, is it possible that this can influence me as well? Now, I am still responsible for adopting somebody else’s meaning, I can see that, but how is this energetically? Do we adopt other people’s meanings if we don’t have strong boundaries or self esteem or “alternative meanings” ? Or are we completely separated in this respect? Thank you for your consideration.
Claudia,
I can actually offer some insight on this. You say, “When the belief I’m not deserving was eliminated, I no longer felt “not deserving” but somehow I also didn’t feel deserving, it just seemed it is not an issue any more. But how is this then when I am in a situation where other people hold beliefs about me being not deserving?”
What do people say that you interpret as “She is not deserving?” If the belief, “I am not deserving” is truly eliminated, you would not be asking this question because whether or not they thought it would, as the saying goes, “be none of your business”.
When I had low self-esteem, I thought everyone knew better or more so I was more open to their interpretations of reality because hey, how can I rely on myself? It was actually easier to have Morty to come up with the “four friends” scenario because we can find ourselves mired so much in our beliefs that we think they are facts and it’s hard to even think of something different. What the whole Nat. Conf. program does, as you’ll discover when you finish, is that it isn’t the strength of any personal barriers, but rather finding that your Real Self doesn’t require any barriers. You, without those limiting beliefs. From your post, it sounds like it would be a good idea to go through those beliefs again. Then, whether or not someone thinks you’re not deserving will cease to be an issue. What other people think or feel is what they think or feel and it says more about them than you. Actually, down the road, when you’ve finished the Natural Confidence program, consider participating in one of the Occurring Courses Morty offers. It’s a natural progression on the path.
Love and Light on your Journey,
Lauren
Hello Lauren,
thank you for taking the time to help me with this and I think I get what you want to say, I probably will understand it completely when I have finished the exercises. What confuses me is this: the four friends scenario introduces to us different “Beliefs” about a situation and it is the presence of these different beliefs from other people that allows us to distance ourselves from our own beliefs. Isn’t it then logical that my negative beliefs will be reaffirmed if I am surrounded by people who hold the same negative beliefs? And it would be logical that
I am surrounded by those people, after all I understood that we create our life experience through our beliefs, so I would have an environment that matches my beliefs before I eliminated them?
You write that, once my beliefs are eliminated, it will be none of my business if other people think I am not deserving and it will cease to be an issue (how nice :-) ). I am wondering because in the Law of Attraction they talk about “like attracts alike”. Would that mean that I will not attract anymore people into my life that hold the belief”I am not deserving” once I have eliminated this belief? Or will it just not bother me any more, i.e. I am becoming immune against it?
I have been wondering why this question is so important for me and I think it has to do with the racism towards immigrants that is growing in the area where I live. There is a lot of hatred welling up and I wonder: are the people involved in the conflict both holding matching beliefs or is it possible that one group just becomes the target for other people acting out their negative beliefs (just like children are “acted upon” by their parents due to “meaning” the parents are giving to the child’s behaviour)?
Saying, even if it is not anymore an issue for ME that other people might think I am not deserving, I can still suffer the consequences of their beliefs about me, or not? Though I will not agree any more with their beliefs about myself (as I did as a child, as I didn’t have uncle Morty around the corner), they still can act in a way towards me that has negative consequences for my life, or can they not once I have elimintated the negative beliefs? The answer to this question would be very interesting. If I can change a conflict through changing the beliefs of one of the conflicting parties alone, that would be much easier than having to change both.
Thank you again for the discussion, it really helps. I will go through the beliefs again and may be find out then soon myself.
BR Claudia
Hi CLaudia,
As Lauren said, when the beliefs are gone you will no longer be concerned with what others think.
Obviously people’s behavior is not directly affected by your behavior, although if you treat people differently based on your beliefs, they might well treat you differently.
If you have beliefs, you don’t need people to “reaffirm” them. You already have them. If you don’t have beliefs, as an adult you are unlikely to form negative beliefs about yourself based on the behavior of other adults.
Love, Morty
Reducing problems has helped me in life to move along from the totally down in the dumps, no confidence position to being on top of the garbage heap and maybe a little beyond that. Eliminating the beliefs that are the source of those problems put me in a place so far from the garbage heap it isn’t even a consideration. To feel totally and completely alive is what I get from eliminating beliefs. It’s like starting fresh and new with an adult perspective on all the possibilities.
Love and Light to All on the Journey,
Lauren
Here’s my personal experience:
I’ve never had a lot of confidence, and I’ve always had fears about several things in my life, including making friends and picking up girls.
I read countless self-help books, listened to tapes and watched DVD’s. I ended up with exactly the same fears and the same level of confidence.
Then TLM came around. Oh boy, what a difference. I have so far eliminated, without exaggerating, about 100 beliefs, thanks to learning the LBP technique. I have noticed great improvements in my level of self-confidence, and a massive reduction of fears in different areas.
As an example, 2 years ago I used to feel like a total anti-social loser. I was ashamed of my life situation. I felt anxious when I went to parties or met people, mainly because I had a fear that they would eventually find out how much I sucked, and they would mock me and reject me.
Today I look back at the way I used to feel, and the things I was afraid of that today seem so silly, and I can only say thank you Morty. I’ll tell you honestly, you are one of the few people who have made a profound difference in my life.
Hi
After eliminating many beliefs, i have come to see my self as a lazy person, which troubled me for a while, but after a lot of looking inward, and eliminating the belief I AM LAZY, i did not change, the reason for this is that it is’nt that i am lazy at all, its just that i am now more content with just being in my own skin without having, or even wanting to do anything at all
Thankyou
Ian
I have been able to push through blocks in order to get to the next level but this takes up a lot of energy. Totally eliminating a limiting belief would be so much easier for me.
Think about how much life we don’t get to experience because of limiting beliefs. Like your friend who has no problem contributing to society, but has a block when it comes to receiving.