How to fix the “fear of others problem” (and why it exists in the first place)

It was 1957. I was sitting quietly in my third grade classroom when suddenly a strange alarm sounded.

The teacher said with urgency “Everyone under your desks.” I was scared.  What was happening? Thankfully it was just a drill. I soon learned that we were involved in something called the Cold War with a nation called The Soviet Union and there was a chance “they” could drop a bomb on us.

Even though the Cold War has ended, we still keep hearing about “those people” from one place or another. The big bad Russians. Or it could be the Chinese. For sure it’s the North Koreans.

Last week I had the privilege of doing a parenting talk to 300 people in Moscow. There was simultaneous translation. I was my full out, authentic self. I really connected with the audience. I shared how our beliefs are what limits us in life and how these beliefs get formed in early childhood, mostly from interactions with our parents.

After my talk ended I went out into the lobby where I was greeted by most of the audience wanting to thank me, hug, me and take a photo with me. But what struck me was the type of questions they asked. So, with my translator at my side, I began to answer.

One was “My child will run around and kick the football at home, but at school, he won’t do it. He’s fine at home but he’s shy at school and not making friends easily. Should I get him help? Should I worry?”

“How old is he?” I asked.

“Five,” she replied with a terribly worried look on her face.

“Relax mamma, he’ll be just fine,” I replied. A typical mom, just wanting to know that her child is OK.

Next, a man named Alexander told me he cried during my talk because his kids were already teens and he wished he had heard me years ago. The same comment I hear wherever I go.

Many of these parents also shared with me how they wished that they could express themselves and be authentic but they were so afraid that others won’t think well of them. They told me that they felt my heart and my love and wished they could express theirs.

Again, when I teach back home, I hear the same thing.

Then there were Valeria and Vasili, my hosts. The most generous, gracious, loving, delicious people imaginable. They started an alternative school where kids could learn in a safe and loving environment. They also created a center to show parents how to teach their kids to love learning. They started the school for their own child because they wanted a better education for her than they had. This was the same reason Morty and I sent our kids to an alternative school in the US.

Question after question, experience after experience, I felt as if I was back home in America hearing the very same questions and comments I always hear.

While listening to these wonderful people share I was struck by the fact that we are fed as much propaganda about people in Russia as they probably are about us. We can easily get the message that we’re different. We don’t like each other. We’re enemies. And it’s just not so.

It struck me how our beliefs get formed listening to the nightly news. We hear about Russian interference in our elections. We read about Russian spies who were caught. We hear about terrorism and jihadists. After all this we can end up thinking that all of these different groups are a danger to us.

When we catch ourselves developing negative attitudes about whole groups of people we can use the Lefkoe Belief Process to question how those beliefs were formed.

Look at other interpretations. Then ask if we ever saw that “All Muslims are terrorists,” or that all “Iranians hate Americans and think their Infidels” or that “All Russians want to destroy America.” We may have heard that some people from these groups did and said harmful things, but not all of them.

Then remember this simple truth.

Human beings have the same wants and desires. We want to love and be loved, keep our kids safe, and be free to express our authentic selves and follow our dreams.

Let’s stop buying into the beliefs that we’re fed about “others.” People from other countries, other religions, other races, other genders. Let’s start seeing ourselves as a tribe called Humanity.

Next steps

And to make all of this real, you can eliminate beliefs you may have formed about other people by following the process outlined at How you can eliminate beliefs for good.

Struggling to change is pretty common.

We often struggle to make lasting changes in our lives. And even if we’re trained as a coach or therapist, we may often get clients who seem to be stuck. When we don’t know how to make change happen, we can even lose faith in ourselves. We may wonder if we’ll ever become more like the person we’ve always wanted to be.

Fortunately, it’s possible to get unstuck.

We can learn a way to make changes and have them stick. It involves learning how to eliminate limiting beliefs. It’s a skill we’ve broken down into 8 parts. Once you learn all 8 skills, and practice them, you can eliminate a limiting belief of your own or someone else’s in short order.

Announcing The Lefkoe Method Training 1

This course teaches you how to do eliminate a belief in 30 minutes. The course involves daily exercises that slowly build the skills bit by bit. By the end you will feel confident that you can eliminate anyone’s beliefs even your own.

The course will go on sale in the final week of January. To be notified when the course is available you must be on the waiting list. You can join the waiting list here:

https://www.mortylefkoe.com/lmt1/lmt1-waiting-list/

Once on the list, you’ll also get some goodies that teach you more about eliminating limiting beliefs.