How To Dissolve Holiday Unhappiness — Even If You Have To Be Alone This Year

The worldwide pandemic
Job losses
A crazy US election
Social isolation
Nearly two million dead

These were just some of the many difficulties of 2020.

Now it’s the holidays and most of us will not see the family and friends we are used to seeing. In some cases, we may be spending the holidays alone.

One thing that has helped me so much this year is the Occurring Process. Every day when I wake up and think “It sucks that I’m alone” or “It sucks that I can’t do anything fun” I come up with a different meaning. It has helped me tremendously.

Here’s how you can use the Occurring Process to dissolve difficult feelings

Anytime you have a negative emotion stop and ask:

What just happened? (events)
What meaning did I give what just happened?
What else could it mean?
Is that meaning inherent in the events or in the mind?

For example, due to Covid I hadn’t seen my 7-year-old grandson for 9 months as he lives in Hawaii with my daughter. I live in California and my other daughter lives in Utah. I was feeling really down about not being with family for the holidays.

So I used the Occurring Process to dissolve these unwanted feelings

What happened?
I’m not seeing my family now.

What meaning did I give?
It’s terrible to be alone.

What else could it mean?
It could mean that I’m lucky to have a family that I love and miss
It could mean that I have been so blessed to have had so many trips to see my daughter and grandson in Hawaii and I will have more
It could mean that Covid will end soon and I’ll be able to see my family
It could be that I’m so blessed to have Facetime to watch him open his presents
It could be mean that I can actually just bite the bullet and go to Hawaii
It could mean that I’m so blessed to have friends that I can be with and I’m not totally alone
It could mean that I can still have fun with friends in my bubble and maybe spend the holidays with them

But the fact that I’m not going to be with my family for the holidays has no inherent meaning. The meaning was in my mind.

After this, the sadness lifted and I felt OK about being home alone. I realized that as my mother always said “This too shall pass.”

But what if the circumstances are really bad?

One of the worst nights of my life was two nights after Morty died I had what I call “a dark night of the soul.” I felt excruciating guilt about every moment I was not kind to Morty in our 34-year marriage. I was sobbing from the depths of my soul. My best friend Letha was with me and she is a Lefkoe Method facilitator.

Letha asked me, “What meaning are you giving this?”

I said, “That I was a bad wife and he deserved better.”

She said, “It could mean that and it could mean that you’re a normal human being and we are not perfect. Nobody is. It could mean that those moments contributed to Morty’s growth and allowed him to become the man he was. It could mean that you were a wonderful wife who got angry from time to time and it allowed you to become the person you are today who worked on herself and pretty much stopped making him wrong. But the fact that you were not always kind to him has no inherent meaning.”

The darkness lifted and I forgave myself as I know Morty would have forgiven me. It was truly miraculous. So even if what you’re experiencing is absolutely terrible, the Occurring Process can help you get through it.

As you apply the Occurring Process to your own challenges, I suggest starting small though. Begin by using it on one of your daily frustrations. Focus on something tiny, that way you’ll have success immediately in dissolving meaning. Then work your way up to the larger things. You’ll discover that your meaning-dissolving muscle gets stronger with practice and when a big wave comes your way, you can surf it, instead of getting overwhelmed.

Next step

Many of our occurrings come from limiting beliefs and the skill of eliminating them is far more challenging than dissolving meaning. That’s why we’ve created a training program that teaches people how to eliminate limiting beliefs. It’s called the Lefkoe Method Training 1. Once you complete the program, you can eliminate a belief of someone else’s (or your own) in 30 minutes even if the client has no idea what a belief is at first.

You get to that level of speed because the program involves daily practice and feedback. As a result, we only take a small number of students in any class. We will open up registration at the end of January 2021. To be considered, you must join the waiting list. Click here to join the waiting list.

By Shelly LefkoePublished On: Wednesday, December 23, 2020Categories: Occurring0 Comments

Leave A Comment Cancel reply

Eliminate a belief free

You get a video that guides you into eliminating a belief when you join our newsletter.

Click Here to Subscribe

Press Esc to close

Hi, What’s Your Name?

It’s nice to meet you! Share your email with me and I’ll send you my free belief-eliminating program—helping you unlearn several beliefs that keep you from having the life you want. Enter your email below and I’ll send it right to your inbox!

We hate spam, and we know you do too. Your email is safe with us.

Why people subscribe...

I receive an overwhelming number of daily emails linking to blogs, most of which I glance at and delete. I actually read most of Morty’s and Shelly’s. They write well about fascinating ideas and teachings. They have a clear, intelligent logical approach, and more importantly write from experience with heart, warmth, honesty and vulnerability.

-Terry Tillman

Just a quick note to thank you for your weekly insightfulness and addition to your courses through your weekly blog. I find it helpful to read your blog weekly as it reinforces the work that we have done together. I see the value in it for those who have not participated in your work. It gives them a place to enter the conversation and begin to glean a new understanding of themselves and others around them. Most of all thank you for contributing to my life and those you are reaching. To a prosperous and joyous 2014.

-James Weiss

I've been reading Morty's blog off and on for about 3 years and I have to say that it is the best source of self improvement information out there today. Every week, he posts a new article full of content on how you can improve yourself and your life by eliminating the beliefs and meanings we give in every moment of our lives each and everyday. The blog articles stretch my perception of reality, and how I view the world.

Mortylefkoe.com is an incredible resource of information - sort of an encyclopedia of personal development. I often use the search tool to read articles in reference to certain topics I'm curious about or am working on in my life. Practically any topic you might be curious about, Morty has an article chuck full of life-altering information in it. It is an almost never-ending source of information and actionable steps to improve your life.

No matter how well you know Morty and his work, you will learn a TON from it and grow as a person. It is a great intro to his work, as well as a great way to dive deeper. I am personally very grateful that he continues to write in it his new thoughts and techniques. It has helped me incredibly in my life!

There's more actionable advice in Morty's blog than in most of the self-help books out there (I know because I've read most of them). Plus it's free. So I urge you to start reading it, today!

-Matt Johnson

I never miss Morty's weekly blogs. They put his work into concise and clear terms. He shows how the Lefkoe Method applies to a myriad of real human situations that cause suffering to most people. He explains how to eliminate this suffering by eliminating the core beliefs that fuel it such as "I'm a failure." He also demonstrates how his method differs from psychotherapy and is often more effective at producing long-lasting change in less time. … The blogs are different from his other services or products in that you don't need to buy them, schedule a session, or order a book. They are … brief, reader-friendly language, enough to read on a 10 minute break from work, for instance. The best part is I've seen positive changes in my own life that come directly from his blogs. This means a lot coming from a psychotherapist trained extensively in models of psychotherapy. I've also found them useful in my work with my own clients and to complement many theories of psychotherapy. I could go on effusively about Morty's magnificent blogs but I think I've already made my point.

-Jason Linder, MA, MFTi

Thank you! I've read and considered the concept of creating my own world many many times but this is the first time I've actually experienced and felt it at my core. As you point out, it is one thing to know something intellectually and another to actually feel it and fully believe it. Thank you so much. This was truly a positive life changing experience. I will pass it on to all of my friends. I wish you every happiness and continued success.

-Shirley

I have to tell you that you really broke something open for me when you shared your story about creating obstacles for yourself, because you thought your value was in how hard you could work to overcome those obstacles. Listening to you was a major "Aha!" moment for me - I realized I had been doing the same thing! I've experience enormous and recurring relief, knowing that I don't ever have to struggle again, and I'm perfectly worthwhile. Opportunities that I have been wanting for a long time have come pouring through the door since that "Aha!" moment...so thank you for putting your material out into the world!"

-Carey Peters, Co-founder, Holistic MBA