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Very often in the middle of a session with a client I have a realization and then think: I’ll bet my readers would find this interesting. So, here’s what happened during a session last week.
A client was trying to eliminate the belief, The way to survive is to be numb. He told me that the source of his belief was the fact that when he was a kid his mom spanked him if he exhibited strong positive or negative feelings. In other words, if he was too exuberant or if he cried or if he got angry, he got spanked. So he concluded early on that the way to survive is to quiet himself down inside and not allow himself to feel or express any strong emotion.
But after finding the source of the belief he suddenly got stuck. This client had had no difficulty in eliminating other beliefs earlier in the session, but all of a sudden he seemed to be having real problems eliminating this one.
At some point the client said: “If I let go of this belief then I’ll have to experience my emotions, and that is too scary.”
In other words, this client had beliefs and conditionings that had him be afraid of strong emotions, especially anger. Such beliefs and conditionings included: Anger is dangerous. Experiencing my feelings is dangerous. Fear associated with experiencing my feelings.
His “survival strategy” to deal with this fear was to go numb, after which he concluded, The way to survive is to be numb. By going numb (unconscious), he didn’t have to feel strong emotions, which he felt were so threatening (because every time he expressed strong emotions as a child it felt as if his mother was withdrawing her love).
What he started to feel in the middle of eliminating this belief was, if I let go of this belief, I will start to feel strong emotions and that is dangerous.
My mistake
First of all, I had made a mistake in not having him eliminate all the beliefs and conditionings that caused the fear of strong feelings before helping him to eliminate this survival strategy belief. He had eliminated a few of them, but we should have eliminated all of them. Generally you should eliminate all the beliefs underlying a survival strategy belief before attempting to eliminate the survival strategy belief. If we had done that, he would no longer have been afraid of strong emotions and he wouldn’t have been afraid to let go of this belief.
Eliminating beliefs provides choice, not required behavior
But apart from this error on my part, what I realized was he didn’t understand that eliminating a belief would not cause him to act in a certain way, it would only give him a choice. He wouldn’t have to express strong feelings, but he would be able to if he chose to.
In other words, eliminating beliefs opens up possibilities for us—it gives us a choice—but does not require any specific action.
Let me explain. Many people have the belief, What makes me good enough or important is taking care of others. That belief will have you frequently put others first and not do what you should do to take care of yourself. Because you have concluded that your self-esteem is dependent on taking care of others, you do that out of need, not out of choice. When this belief is eliminated, you are not prevented from taking care of others, you just have a choice about doing it. You can do it when you wish and not do it when it isn’t appropriate. Getting rid of the belief gives you a choice, it does not require any specific behavior on your part.
Ultimately, one of the most desirable things to possess in life is choice. To have choice in what we do and think and feel is a goal we all have. Beliefs and conditionings can often prevent choice because they frequently dictate specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Get rid of the beliefs and conditionings and you’ve reduced the “shoulds” and increased the possibilities in your life.
If you’ve noticed increased possibilities in your life as a result of eliminating beliefs and conditionings, please share your experience with other readers below.
For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe
Just thanks!
Morty,
Thank you for this blog! I’ve been talking to one of my sisters about the belief elimination process and she said she would check out the free belief eliminator. She hasn’t. Our family was dysfunctional when I was growing up; mainly from the constant beliefs that “you have to do the sure thing so you can support yourself” and “if you try something new, you’ll get hurt.” My sister and I esp. noticed that we didn’t have basic manners and behavior; she learned by watching other people and she taught me the same.
She’s worried that if she eliminates her limiting beliefs that she’ll “revert” back to being a messy housekeeper and not care about working to support herself.
You said, “Getting rid of the belief gives you a choice, it does not require any specific behavior on your part.” I am so glad you clarified this; perhaps this will clear up the worries she has about the process. I am going to share this with her. Thanks again, Morty!
Love and Light,
Lauren
Boy, I can relate. Showing emotions like anger for me as a child was a No-No. It would end up with some type of punishment. As an adult I can see the value in expressing my anger, even if others do not approve.
“Eliminating beliefs provides choice, not required behavior.” —>Bravo, Morty, BRAVO!
I had a fear that I would never feel exuberant happiness again, because my “Who Am I Really” self would always bring me back to a neutral place.
Such as: “this HAPPINESS is coming from my mind interpreting otherwise neutral events… so now I am required to bring myself back to neutral :(.”
Now I’m all: “this HAPPINESS is coming from my mind interpreting otherwise neutral events… so now I can choose to:
a) bring myself back to neutral to make a more objective decision
OR
b) just REVEL in the feeling, and let it wash over me
OR
c) (b) then (c)!”
Work it, Morty. Work it!
I found it insightful that some beliefs are survival strategies beliefs. I have several of them myself. Is there a way to get specific beliefs added to the program I purchased as a supplement for an extra charge? If not, it might be something you’d consider offering to people that aren’t local.
Hi Anita,
We have sessions with people over the world using the phone and Skype.
We would have to have a session with you to figure out what survival strategy beliefs you had and it would cheaper to help you get rid of them on the phone than to create new videos just for one person.
Please call us if you have any further questions. 4150-884-0552.
Love, Morty
Good point that some beliefs are “bigger” and more foundational than others. All beliefs, whether empowering or disempowering, are not created equal…
Morty,
I often read your blog. In fact, i experienced your process. This article is very clear and valuable in that it takes away the fear of letting go of X belief. I really like the way you phrased it “it gives you choices”.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom so generously.
Esperanza Montalvo
“The best belief is no belief at all; then everything is possible.”
“Our desires are not the issue, it is our attachment to desires.”
Thank you for your article.
Warm regards,
John
This is very insightful (as usual), thank you so much.