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Do you know the difference between beliefs and occurrings? They are totally different phenomena. And you need to be able to eliminate both of them to have a truly satisfying life.
Do you usually make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs for you?
Very few people even realize there is a difference between the two, which leads them to deal with a “reality” that exists only in their mind.
Do you know why the ability to make that distinction is crucial to having a truly happy life? Most people have no idea.
I was preparing a handout for the new Lefkoe Occurring Course starting February 1 that discussed these three issues and I realized that the information in the handout would be useful to all the readers of my blog. So I am reprinting most of the handout below.
Definitions
Reality: What actually happens in the world. What you know through your five senses, especially what you can see or hear. What you would capture on a video recording.
Occurring: The meaning you give to events in reality. Usually we don’t distinguish between reality and how reality occurs for us (our occurring), so we think the meaning we give reality IS reality. For example, losing our job is a fact in reality, that it is a disaster or a great opportunity are two possible ways the event can occur for you. You can “see” that you no longer have a job. You can’t “see” that the job loss is a disaster or an opportunity.
No meaning: Events in reality have no inherent meaning. In other words, you can’t draw any inferences or make any predictions, for sure, as a result of observing any events. When you do the Lefkoe Belief Process you experience clearly that mom’s and dad’s behavior had no inherent meaning, that the way they treated you meant nothing about you.
Distinctions
The difference between a belief and an occurring and why that difference is important: Beliefs are the meaning we give to a series of events. The meaning usually is a statement about ourselves, people or life. A belief is a statement about reality that we feel and act is the truth (it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe). Beliefs are generalizations, for example, I am …. People are …. Life is …. Once formed, beliefs continue to exist and affect our behavior, feelings and perceptions forever, unless we are able to eliminate the belief.
Our occurrings are the meaning we give to a specific event. Each occurring is a distinct experience that usually lasts only a short time and then fades away by itself when we stop thinking about the event. An example of an occurring is your boss asking you a question and it occurring to you as she doesn’t trust you or she doesn’t like you or you’re going to get fired. That is the meaning you have given to the boss’s question. In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question.
Your long-standing beliefs are not occurrings. Occurrings require, by definition, an event. An occurring is how an event occurs for you. If there is no event, there is no occurring.
So beliefs and occurrings are two totally different phenomena. There is a relationship between them, however, in that beliefs are the major source of our occurrings. In other words, how a meaningless event occurs for us is determined mainly by our beliefs. Change your beliefs and how events show up for you will be different. For example, if you believe, People are stupid, they will occur for you that way. Eliminate that belief and your occurring probably will change.
But because each is a distinct phenomenon, it is possible to dissolve an occurring without eliminating any beliefs. If you don’t eliminate the beliefs that are causing a occurring, you are likely to continue to have the same occurring when similar events happen in your life.
The reason this distinction between reality and our occurrings is so important is that most people rarely distinguish between them, thereby acting as if their occurring IS reality. In other words, we rarely deal with what is actually in the world; we deal with the meaning we have given what is in the world, a meaning that exists only in our own mind.
Reality can’t cause feelings: Because events have no inherent meaning, they are unable to make you feel anything. What produces your feelings (apart from some conditioning) is the meaning you give to events.
So beliefs (which are meaning you have given to a series of events) can result in feelings, such as anger resulting from the beliefs, I’m powerless and What makes me powerful (in control) is having things exactly the way I want them. When people don’t do what you want them to do you feel powerless and then feel anger at the people who didn’t do what you wanted them to do. If you didn’t have these two beliefs, you’d either ignore the people who aren’t doing what you want or you’d ask again, giving reasons for what you want.
The meaning you give specific events—your occurrings—also result in feelings. If you don’t get something you want and you give it the meaning: I can’t get what I want and I never will, you will get upset. If you give it the meaning: I haven’t gotten what I want yet, so what do I have to do to get it?—you will feel challenged and excited. Therefore, dissolving your occurrings enables you to simultaneously dissolve negative feelings, such as anxiety, anger, and upset.
Please let me know if these definitions and distinctions are clear and if they are useful. I look forward to hearing from you.
For information about my next Lefkoe Occurring Course, where you learn how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to automatically dissolve your occurrings and your negative feelings, please check out: http://occurringcourse.com/discover.
For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe
Hi Morty,
I’m not sure what category to put this email in, just wanted to share a rather humerous experience that happened the other evening. I firstwant to mention, I have eliminated many beliefs through your method,and have gained a great ammount of healthy self confidence. Because of this I am back to singing again, not professionally, but at a musical venue held here in a local restaurant. The other evening Iwas waiting for my turn to go up on stage to sing Don’t cry for me Argentina, this is not an easy song to sing. I had a moment of panic set in just before going up, but I checked my self and said, I can do this because I have eliminated my negative beliefs about myself. Sure enough it worked, and I did it once more on stage. I had worked very hard on practicing this song, and along with my healthy self confidence it became a reality for me. By the way, I got a standing ovation. THANK YOU.
Hi Dorothy,
Thanks for sharing your story about singing the other evening.
I will share your story with everyone here at Lefkoe Institute. WHat happened to you is why we do what we do.
Congratulations.
Love, Morty
Hi. I don;t know if I entirely agree. The gap that sometimes opens up between a person’s expectations and occurrings can cause a person lots of grief. For example, say I am expecting the boss whom I’ve worked for over a number of years to be offering me a salary increase soon (this is a belief isn’t it?), then my interpretation of contacts with the boss (occurrings) suggest that in fact he is thinking of sacking me – scope for masses amounts of personal anguish in the gap that has opened up between a belief and my interpretation of reality. The occurrings change my expectation (a belief) so they are not fleeting.
I’ve used the word “expectations” and in some cases these would be hopes backed by beliefs that offer some comfort collateral – say I’d only been working a short time for that same boss – the collateral could be based on what had happened to other staff, what I’d been promised on joining the business, and so on.
For big generalised beliefs such as “all Scotsmen are stupid” (I’m Scots so I can say it while you mustn’t!) what you have described is ok but I’m not so sure how it plays out in the stuff that occurs to us day to day, such as in the salary/boss example above. Another interesting context to test out your ideas is health or illness.
Hey Monty,
Thanks or another thought-provoking post. You know while reading the post my mind drifted to that famous question of the Franch philosopher:”If a tree falls in the forest andnobody hears it, did the tree fell?” In your language I suppose one could say did it occur? Of course the tree fell, but the meanings we attach to it are so many, to one it is firewood, to another a sure sign of de-forestation due to the graan-house effect …etc
Just on the topic of your boss saying something and you give it meaning – sometimes people say or do something expecting you to interpret it in a certain way, it is already an accuring according to them, if you treat the event as data, they are lost and often blame you for not behaving as expected. This happens very often in cross-cultural communication or between age or gender groups ( You kow……. collman coll…… it’s just something alse man, something else!) Interpret that one!!
Keep well,
Riel
I ussualy only make distinctions between what I want to do and what I actually really do.
Collectively, 7 billion people are co creating reality on our planet. There is a collective conscious about what is right and wrong for humanity. Some people do have an apathetic approach to their contribution. We all have a model of how we believe society should exist. Some differ from others, there are consequences to one’s actions, so we should choose carefully. I would never do something that would have dire consequences for me spiritually.
I make choices based on who I am and where I am in my life. The Creator, God, or Source Energy is what allows us the choice to do what we want. It is only human beings that want to control other people’s actions. At the core of needing to control is fear, this is what has caused much of the suffering in the world today. Eliminate unjust fear in yourself and you won’t have to fear anything or anyone. Fear is an emotional response that is manipulated in people in order to control them.
God Bless!!
Morty, i wonder if the method of eliminate beliefs can be used to heal traumas?
Yes, eliminating beliefs and conditionings will heal traumas.
If you have any specific questions, please call us at (415) 506-4472.
Love, Morty
Hey Morty,
Thumbs up for exploring ideas about meaning. I appreciate your reminders. I think that ‘occurings’ doesn’t work so well as a phrase to remember – so I had a think and would personally use ‘transient meanings’ or contextually occurring meanings’.
To your highest and best
Doug
There is no reality in actuality, except for the meaning that you give it. This is such an important thing to remember when creating our reality.
Hi Mazzastick,
I would respectfully like to say that it is this kind of thinking that has lead to the drifting nihilism in our post-modern society.
I work as a cognitive-behavioural coach and I well understand that the meanings we give to reality determine our interpretation of it ( I do a good job as well!)
But… to say that human beings are the only creators of reality makes human beings the only creators of meaning that exist…so if you were to come around my house and kill me then that has no meaning, right?
Without some belief in ultimate meaning – yes, from God – then every man does as he pleases – and disaster results.
However, remembering that we are responsible for which meanings about reality we retain – is to me a much more sensible approach.
Once upon a time, I grew up believing in an ultimate authority-God-through a certain church and planned to attend its college. Flash forward to Summer 1975-this church said my mom and dad could join this church because divorce wasn’t a sin(my father had a brief marriage before he met mom.) Flash forward to Fall of that year. Dad was up all night studying info from other religious organizations and was relieved of his own burden of allowing others to tell him what to believe and how. I went further and questioned the whole idea of the Bible God being the ultimate authority. Had a Oneness experience the following summer. Flash forward-rejected the whole idea of one entity controlling everything.
You say, “…if you were to come around my house and kill me that has no meaning, right? Without some belief in ultimate meaning-yes, from God-then every man does as he pleases-and disaster results.”
Morty says that there is no inherent meaning to us being alive, so what do we do? We make it up. Believing that there is God(though Morty says exploring this issue has not come up in his workplace meetings) is just another belief; that we have to have been something in someone’s mind. Here is my question: Why did a God have to create us in the first place? As far as we know, God is a belief because no one has actually seen God.
I also reject the idea that that there is an “ultimate meaning”. If so, what is it? Why is life sacred? Is it because we have evolved to the point where we are aware of our lives and are scared to imagine “nothing”? And actually we do as we please most of the time unless the law or some other authority steps in. I’ve never seen actual proof of a God stepping in and correcting anything or punishing anyone for screwing up. That we do things and face consequences for our actions is real; this faceless, formless God? Not at all. And pointing out something in a book that says God did it doesn’t impress me, either. We also have a mind-I don’t require a god tell me what ultimate meaning is; just bringing it up like you have tells me that we are capable of creating our own meaning. That there is a a collective consciousness I find “more realistic” than a specific entity creating ultimate meaning.
Love and Light,
Lauren
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for your reply. We can continue this discussion offline if you wish but in case not, I would like to offer some replies to what you said.
There’s an excellent book called ‘PostModernism and the Supremacy of Christ’ which argues convincingly about the failure of postmodernism – basically the idea that there is no objective truth (and truth, is of course, inextricably related to meaning) – to provide any redeeming meaning for society, our reason for existence and the existence of man. Basically, society is falling apart through lack of unifying and edifying meanings.
Christ does provide this, and much more in a wonderful way.
The ‘choose your own adventure style’ of living doesn’t work. Believe me, I know.
And if you were tempted to say that religion has led to terrible abuses I can reply that, firstly, what happened is not indicative of what Christ taught and secondly can I name: Stalin, Hitler (who took his meanings partly from Darwin!) , Pol Potz, mao – need I go on? There’s over 30 million dead from them alone…human beings are stupid!
To your opinion that no-one has seen God: you may not have, but the apostles believed they had, they knew whether Jesus was a fake or not and 11 out of the 12 died horribly affirming the same. Billions have people have believed the same, and benefited. Is it possible that we have been deluding ourselves for the last few thousand years but then again, Jesus says you will only know the Truth if you live the life he commands…
I think that when most people say “If there were a God then He would” what they are actually saying is “IF I WERE GOD, then I would…”!!! It doesn’t work that way.
I agree, we are capable of creating our own meaning. However, it is extremely egocentric to look around at this magnificent world and the creation and assume that there is no meaning maker beyond us.
I, personally, do not believe I am evolved from a single celled organism or a monkey. If you wish to consider yourself a highly evolved cosmic accident, that is up to you! But I assure you, you are not, you are created, you are loved, and God wants you back if you left Him.
The way I comprehend it is this: I deal with meaning making in my work all the time. I am well aware that the meanings I have just expressed exist in my head. HOWEVER it does not mean that my references do not refer to an external reality. I can call a tree a BADSFTGADFG but it is still there if I run into it. The scientific evidential paradigm is not the only one available although it is the dominant one at the moment. Anyway, by that paradigm you can’t prove ‘love’.
Well, I have to go.
God bless, and thanks for engaging.
Doug
Doug that is an interesting way to put it. My son and I often have this discussion and this morning I had an epheney. I have for a long time believed the golden rule was “He who has the gold makes the rules” Life has occurred like this for many years. I now understand the people who had the goal set rules and I ahered to thoes rules because of circumstances at the moment.
I know understand I MAKE THE RULES for my life and I choose the Bible as my standard. People in other countries and places have choosen to believe other authorties or no authority because of their interpertation of what they have been exposed to and taught. I am greatful that I have been taught the Bible. I have read many of the books of other religions and I choose to believe this one and as a result my occurrances continue to “prove” to me I made the right choice. It is in reality the right choice for me and anyone else who chosese to believe it. I tell people what I believe and say “its working for me you can beleive it or not it is up to you.”
Hi Asaf
I would say that you are being given a big nudge to make a change. The reality is you don’t like your job, so what limiting belief is holding you there?
What do you love doing? What would you do for free? These were the questions I asked myself when in a job that “just paid the bills”. I knew the answer, but didn’t act upon it……….UNTIL the job was made redundant!
Was I scared? Yes absolutely! Has it been hard to adjust to having very little money and just about covering my expenses? Yes. BUT I am making it work for me. Take one action every day towards what you really want to do and just keep on doing it.
I am free! I am living on £20 a week (after bills) but I am free!!! I can do it. And I am pursuing my dream job – writing!
Today I went into the bank to make some payments, I realised that the young guy behind the counter was at least 15 years younger than me and on a lot more money. The difference was, I know he is stuck in that soul-less place until 5pm tonight. (been there!).
I walked out into the cold street, breathed in and felt like I could fly. It doesn’t mean I can sit down and chill in my bliss like state, I have to work hard every day to realise my dream. But I can appreciate now that money isn’t some big scary monster that controls me and I am just as happy with little cash, but the same amount of fantastic people in my life. Money doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to that.
Take a little step – I had tobe pushed and I am happy I was. Believe me if I can do it and so can you.
All the best
Hi Mortey
I am working in a work i realy hate.
its boring, i sit infront of the computer
and doing risk management, its like guarding
in a place with out poeple(nothing excited, nothing
to look forward, just earning good).
is it how the work occur to me? i guess its allready
believes ,but which? i can change how this work occur to me
when i sit there 8 hours everyday? change how i feel about it?
i mean its not small event its all the day.
thanks asaf
Thanks for these insights Morty – the timing is perfect for me!
I’ve been struggling in my head with the fact that 4 clients cancelled their projects in January (recession biting, it seems) – and I was making this mean in my head that “I wasn’t good enough” or “I charge too much for my services” when in fact NEITHER of these is remotely true! The fact is that one person was looking for “mega quality for no money” and wouldn’t have been a good client for me; another doesn’t have the budget – but that’s HER story; another is unsure where her business is going … so when I review these things with a “sane” mind, it’s a whole lot less scary :)
Thanks, and blessings
Tracey
So the belief is the filter which takes in the reality (which encompasses all possibility for interpretation) and generates an occurrence (purely a subset of all the possibilities for interpretation). This occurence then drives a feeling which further reinforces the belief? Therefore the original occurring sets off in motion the start of a belief system which reinforces itself by creating further occurences that prove experientially that the belief is valid.
Have I understood it?
Hey Morty,
as always this makes sense to me & i find your articles extremely professional. Congrats & keep on doing this.
success!.
I had interpreted it more as being possible to dissolve an occurring without actually getting rid of the underlying belief responsible for that occurring – which means that though you have done good work in releasing yourself from the negative feelings and thoughts the occurring caused you to feel, you have not found the permanent solution to the problem, because that underlying belief will just make you have the same occurring the next time you’re in a similar situation. It’s like taking painkillers for a sore back, which fixes the problem of pain temporarily, but doesn’t actually address the cause of the back pain – which could be poor posture. If, on the other hand, you eliminate the root cause – the belief itself – then you will be permanently free of the occurrings that it causes, much like improving your posture could prevent the back pain and remove the need for the painkillers. Hope that made it a little clearer.
Hi Siobhan,
You’re absolutely correct. However, the ability to dissolve occurrings at the moment is very useful to stop arguments and upsets as they are happening.
Moreover, occurrings are caused by things other than beliefs from time to time, so the ability to eliminate beliefs is not really a substitute for dissolving occurrings.
Love, Morty
Morty, I have a question:
Would it be accurate to say that having the ability to dissolve occurrings is equivalent to having a superpower that enables you to live life as if you had zero limiting beliefs?
You said it yourself: “it is possible to dissolve an occurring without eliminating any beliefs”.
If the answer is yes, then this is exciting as hell!
ALex,
The answer is “yes, but.” However, and this is a big however, if you don’t eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that cause the occurrings, you will keep having the same occurring. Moreover, sometimes specific beliefs and conditionings can cause feelings directly.
Love, Morty
Morty, I need to ask you another important question that has been bugging me for a while now:
In the previous comment, I asked you if having the ability to eliminate your occurrings is the equivalent of having a superpower that enables you to live life as if you had zero limiting beliefs. You answered “Yes, BUT if you don’t eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that cause the occurrings, you will keep having the same occurring.”
Okay, I understand that. However, you have mentioned in different occasions that many people who took the course, came out with a new neural pathway that bypasses meaning, and they don’t give meaning to events anymore.
What if I reached that stage? Would I THEN have a superpower equivalent to having zero limiting beliefs, or would your answer still be “Yes, but…”?
Hi Alex,
Still, Yes but …
Occurrings can be caused by factors other than beliefs.
Continued practice with the Lefkoe Occurring Process will reduce the amount of occurrings in your life, but not eliminate them totally.
You still can have negative feelings caused by “senses,” conditioned stimuli, and expectations.
And I’ve been finding some new subtle beleifs after 27 years even though I handled most of the major ones years ago.
Stop worrying about becoming a “superpower” and just take it step by step.
Love, Morty