Have you ever stood in your closet, paralyzed by the simple choice of what to wear?
Or agonized over a decision while polling everyone you know for their opinion?
I certainly have. And I’ve discovered something fascinating behind this common struggle that just might help you.
The Phone Call That Revealed Everything
Years ago, before attending my friend Lynda’s party, I called her to ask what she was wearing. Her response stopped me in my tracks.
“I don’t know yet. Whatever I’m in the mood to wear,” she said casually.
I was amazed. The concept of simply wearing what she wanted – without worrying if others would be dressed up while she was casual, or vice versa – seemed completely foreign to me.
Before parties, I would call multiple friends to find out what they were wearing so I could wear something “appropriate” or avoid matching someone else. The thought of making this simple decision independently was actually scary.
Why? Because deep down, I believed something that was silently controlling my life: What makes me good enough is having others think well of me.
The Hidden Cost of Approval-Seeking
This approval-seeking mindset affected far more than my wardrobe. I became incredibly indecisive in all areas of my life.
If I wasn’t invited to a party, I’d spiral into anxiety, wondering what I’d done wrong.
When faced with choices – even small ones – I’d freeze, terrified of making the “wrong” decision that someone might disapprove of.
Going shopping for clothes was absolute torture. I didn’t trust myself to choose something people would like, so I’d either bring friends along to approve my choices or I’d just avoid shopping altogether.
Sound familiar?
The real problem wasn’t that I lacked decision-making skills. It was that I was using the wrong criteria entirely. Instead of asking, “What do I want?” or “What makes sense for me?” I was constantly asking, “What will make others approve of me?”
The Freedom of Breaking the Pattern
The turning point came when I identified this fundamental belief that was driving my behavior. Using the belief elimination process my husband Morty developed, I was able to eliminate this limiting belief.
I call it my “Martin Luther King Jr. moment” because I was free at last. Free to be authentic and express myself through my clothes, words, and actions. I became okay with myself no matter what people thought.
Suddenly, decisions became easier. Not because I stopped caring about others, but because I started trusting myself.
How to Know If You’re Trapped in Approval-Seeking
Here’s a simple way to recognize if your indecision stems from approval-seeking:
When you ask for advice, are you:
- Trying to build consensus among opinions so you can make a decision people will approve of?
- Or are you trying to discover useful criteria for making a thoughtful decision that’s right for you?
The difference is subtle but profound.
In the first case, your focus is external – on what others think. In the second, your focus is on principles and what actually works for your situation.
Breaking Free From Approval-Seeking
If you recognize yourself in my story, know that you’re not alone. Many of us were conditioned from childhood to believe our worth depends on what others think of us.
The good news? This pattern can be broken.
When I eliminated the belief “What makes me good enough is having others think well of me,” my entire relationship with decision-making transformed. I developed a natural confidence that came from within, not from external validation.
That’s why I’m so passionate about helping others experience this same freedom through our Natural Confidence program. It directly addresses the approval-seeking patterns that keep us stuck in indecision and self-doubt.
Imagine making choices based on what’s truly right for you. Imagine the confidence that comes from knowing your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions.
That freedom is possible for you too. And it starts by recognizing the surprising link between your indecision and the hidden need for approval that might be driving it.
Ready to break free from approval-seeking and develop true confidence? Learn more about our Natural Confidence program and discover how to eliminate the beliefs that keep you trapped in indecision.
