I recently changed one simple thing in my life that is significantly increasing my daily happiness.
Focus on the journey, not the destination
Have you ever heard the advice: “Focus on the journey, not the destination”? Well I had heard it hundreds of times and thought I understood and applied it in my life. But I recently realized that I was ignoring it in a subtle way that was undercutting the enjoyment I could have been getting from my daily life.
When something exciting and important was going to happen in a few weeks or months—such as visiting one of my children, a birthday or anniversary, or the launch of a new product or service—I would keep counting the days until the long-awaited day arrived. I experienced each day as: “Only 30 more days until …. Only 29 more days until …. Only 28 more days until ….” And then when the day finally arrived I would be very excited and enjoy the day fully.
At some point I realized that I had passed over—in other words, I wasn’t fully experiencing and enjoying—the days leading up to the target day.
Live each day fully
I was only really “living” about one day a month. Once I realized I was doing this I started each morning thinking about what I was doing to do that day. I thought about what I was going to do that I was excited about doing, what I would enjoy doing, and what I would be happy I had done at the end of the day.
For example, today I intend to finalize the copy for the TEDX talk I will be delivering next month in New Jersey, I am going to complete my blog post for this week, I’m going to write a blog post for Huffington Post, and I’m going to complete the final lessons for our new course, Lefkoe Method Training-2.
During the day I will enjoy working on each of these projects and at the end of the day I probably will be very excited about what I accomplished. If, instead, I had been focusing on delivering the TEDX talk on June 28 or my trip to Hawaii to see my daughter Blake give birth to my first grandchild on July 28 and had today be only one day closer to each important event, I would have missed the pleasure I could have gotten from what I do today.
I still fully enjoy the “big” events
Focusing on each day doesn’t lessen the pleasure I get from the “big” events when they finally happen. I just increase my overall pleasure in life because I enjoy every day leading up to those “big” days.
Have you been so focused on the destination that you have been ignoring the pleasure you could be getting from the journey? If so, try focusing on what gives you pleasure each and every day for a few weeks and notice how that simple act transforms the quality of your life.
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When ever I decide I might want to become happier, I stop and take into consideration that happiness and unhappiness do not really exist! The only thing that exists, is the comparison between what we perceive them to be, and that comparison is always, by nature, an independent and subjective thing. I find it much easier to be “happy” when I have no need to try and define happiness. I am always at the exact center between infinite happiness, and infinite unhappiness. That allows me to choose what comparison I would like to perceive at any exact moment….and it’s always the exact moment! It’s rather fun to have full and total responsibility for my own “happiness”. What Marty shares with all of us, often influences my perceptions…it doesn’t make me happier, but it sometimes changes my perception of happiness! :)
I have the opposite problem. I generally do not enjoy “special” events. Mainly because there is typically a lot of stress involved, trying to find the time to do everything that needs doing leading up to it, getting the cards mailed and presents purchased in a timely manner; when every workday already feels like a mad rush from the the first ray of light. Holidays are maddening because there’s just so dang many of them now. Every time you turn around there’s a new one being added, and people have expectations! (Only Halloween and Talk Like a Pirate Day are fun without being burdensome.) I probably sound like a Scrooge, though I still participate.
It’s just that my favorite days are the ordinary ones. The days that have a little space to breathe in them. The days where the calendar isn’t full to the max. The days when surprises are still possible instead of nothing but grandiose expectations. The days where rushing isn’t necessary. The days where you can think and come up with your own ideas of nice things to do for others. The days where you aren’t exhausted to the point you fall asleep during the big meal that everyone looked forward to and you don’t nod off during conversations. The days where you can end the day feeling good about all the things you did. The days where you could be you.
I do look forward to vacation. However, all the doing and arranging and getting there not so much, so there is a balance. Keeping things in perspective is important. And as others have stated, the works of Thich Nhat Hanh and practicing mindfulness is a great help for relaxing and being in the moment instead of fretting about what needs to be done. I have made progress there. Just yesterday I had a class, and I really thought of skipping it so I could get things done for a special occasion coming up. Instead, I went to my class and only let my mind focus on what needed to be done each moment in the class. I let myself smile, relax and enjoy being present in the class. In no time it was over and all the stuff to do was still waiting, but I felt a sense of peacefulness.
Heather, I love your second paragraph….what a great summary of being content, peaceful, and happy! John
Thanks, John! Yes, the ordinary days do feel that way. I guess the next step is working toward finding that peacefulness and calm on the busy days too!
Not only do I focus on the “target” day, I do my daily list of projects with the emphasis on getting them all done—without savoring everything that’s including in the doing of the daily projects. Fortunately I opened your email this morning and, after reading your blog, I checked my list of projects and anticipated all of the elements that I can enjoy TODAY. This message from you was the first one.
Morty, thank you—again!!
Terry
Reading Thich Nhat Hanh and practicing mindfulness & meditation has really helped me with this
I suppose we all have some anticipation of the future, but for me, time only exists in this exact moment….that is where I find my sorrow, my joy, my sadness, my happiness….how much of any of them I experience is up to me. The up coming events only happen when it’s now!
Gr8 Inspiration.thks.
There is a uniqueness about each day, each hour, each moment. Things are never quite the same, unless you are driving in a thought train that is going 90 miles an hour and can’t possibly pick up on the details.
It is raining, Florida, the beginning of the rainy season, smooth, steady, gently, almost inviting mindfulness. My cockatoo is squawking outside, thankfully just quietly. Other birds twitter. I am alone for a couple of weeks cause my partner is on a vacation. I am over my initial
loneliness and beginning to feel the pleasure of freedom, peace, the possibility of projects calling me for the day.
I am going to do this exercise of planning each day, opening it, sniffing it, smelling the texture of it like new bread
just out of the oven. I feel the pleasure of allowing the wheels of activity to slow down. Arriving in my body. Settling into contact with experience.
Love and joy to you
Thanks for this post Morty. While i was reading it, i thought about another positive effect of this practice. If you have an exciting day coming up that you are also nervous about, this one simple idea can take your mind off the nerves a bit as well. What are your thoughts on that?
Thank you for great idea!
I enjoyed your post it makes a lot of sense. I noticed a typo: lesson. The correct word is lessen (7th paragraph). Thought you’d like to know.
Great reminder!
Thank you so much for this inspiration!
I wish everybody who reads this a great day enjoying fully each moment!
Raphaël from France
You have a point. Particularly in my case when the long awaited ‘day’ isn’t exactly known. It’s dependent on lot of factors including what I do today. I’ve been looking at this longed for day and I’m getting weary. I should remember that the ‘small’ accomplishments of today should be valued since they add up to make the big day come sooner. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for the reminder, Morty – I have been doing the same thing :-)