Have you ever tried to change something about yourself but kept falling back into the same old pattern?
I know I have.
Years ago, I found myself avoiding tasks that didn’t come easily to me. If I wasn’t immediately good at something, I’d find someone else to do it or just avoid it entirely.
But what was strange is that in other areas of my life, I was confident and capable. I toured the world and managed a wholesale travel company in my twenties. I wasn’t afraid of challenges—at least, not all of them.
So why could I fearlessly travel to foreign countries but feel completely stuck when faced with certain tasks?
The answer, as you might guess, was limiting beliefs.
But here’s the tricky part—I didn’t know which beliefs were holding me back. They were invisible to me, operating silently beneath my awareness.
Maybe you’re in the same boat right now. You know something’s blocking you, but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.
Today, I want to share three unusual ways to uncover those hidden beliefs that might be stopping you from living your fullest life.
1. Notice When Your Behavior Doesn’t Make Sense
My late husband, Morty, discovered the Lefkoe Belief Process through this very approach.
As a consultant, Morty noticed a frustrating pattern. Organizations would pay him for his advice, leaders would say they agreed with it, and then… they wouldn’t follow it. Later, the same organization would pay him for more advice, and the cycle would continue.
Morty wondered if he was doing something wrong, but other consultants had the same problem.
Around the same time, he noticed that in his own life, he did things that didn’t make sense. He’d try to change his behavior, but the changes wouldn’t stick.
This led him to ask: “What do I believe that has me make things so hard?”
His answer was revealing: “I’m someone who overcomes obstacles.”
He wrote for several hours about this belief, and eventually, it seemed to dissolve. Those notes became the foundation of the Lefkoe Belief Process.
When you notice a behavior that doesn’t work for you, ask yourself: “What do I believe that causes me to act this way?” Your answer might lead you straight to a limiting belief.
2. Say the Words Out Loud and Notice How You Feel
Many years ago, we had a client who was terrified of dogs. After his facilitator talked with him for a while, it sounded like he might believe “Dogs are dangerous.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “I don’t have that belief. I know dogs aren’t dangerous. That’s why I’m here. My fear is irrational.”
So, his facilitator suggested that he say the words out loud: “Dogs are dangerous.”
“How did that feel?” the facilitator asked.
“I feel anxious saying that,” he admitted.
“Now try saying ‘Cats are dangerous.'”
He did, and his facilitator asked, “How did that feel?”
“I don’t feel anything.”
“You’re probably not afraid of cats, are you?” the facilitator asked.
And at that moment, he got it. He only felt something when saying “Dogs are dangerous” because, at some level, he believed it was true.
You can try this yourself. Say “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not capable” out loud. Or think of some other quality you would hate to have. Put it in words, then say those words out loud.
How do they feel? Neutral? Or true on some level? If they resonate, you’ve just found a limiting belief.
3. Pay Attention to Your Negative Thoughts
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“I can’t do it.”
“They won’t like m.e”
“I suck.”
If so, then you might have limiting beliefs feeding those thoughts.
“I can’t do it” often comes from beliefs like “I’m not capable” or “I’m not good enough.”
“They won’t like me” might stem from “People aren’t interested in me” or “I’m not good enough.”
“I suck” could be rooted in “I don’t have what it takes” or—you guessed it—”I’m not good enough.”
Did you notice a pattern there? All three negative thoughts could point to the same core belief: “I’m not good enough.” A single belief can spawn countless negative thoughts.
The same principle applies to other areas of life:
If you think, “I’ll never make my relationships work,” you might believe “Relationships don’t work.”
If you worry about money despite having a good income, you might believe “Money is scarce” or “There’s never enough money.”
If you hesitate to ask for a raise because you worry you’ll be thought of as selfish if you ask for more,, you might believe, “It’s bad to ask for money,” or even say, “I’m selfish.”
Your negative thoughts are like signposts pointing directly to the beliefs standing in your way.
From Belief Discovery to Freedom
Being unaware of our limiting beliefs is totally natural. It takes work to find them, but the work is worth it because when you change your beliefs, you change your life.
I experienced this firsthand when I eliminated the belief “I’m not capable.” Once that belief was gone, I became comfortable with not knowing, with being a beginner.
And when I got rid of “Mistakes and failures are bad,” I was able to not only take feedback but welcome it.
One of my great passions in life is Latin Dance. I began taking private lessons at the ripe old age of 56, about 19 years ago.
At the beginning, I thought I was a really good dancer because I had won some mambo contests when I was younger. I felt I had natural rhythm and knew how to move, so I thought it would be easy to learn.
What I didn’t realize was that I had learned EVERYTHING wrong. For example, I moved my hips instead of changing the weight on my feet to move my hips.
Every nuance, every distinction I learned from my teacher was new… and I reveled in the learning. I was not only able to take feedback, I begged for it. I didn’t beat myself up or feel sad.
I was a true student and loved learning.
The best part was that when I did a performance with my teacher, I knew I was far from where I wanted to be, but I was so proud of how far I had come.
I tell you this so you know what’s waiting for you when you eliminate your own beliefs.
The joy of learning.
The joy of making progress.
The joy of doing something without the inner struggle.
If you’re ready to experience this freedom for yourself, our Natural Confidence Program can help. This powerful program helps you eliminate the 19 most common beliefs that hold people back.
When these beliefs are gone, something wonderful happens: the natural confidence you were born with re-emerges. The confidence that helped you learn to walk despite falling hundreds of times. The confidence that was always there, just hidden beneath layers of limiting beliefs.
And with this renewed confidence comes many more possibilities for what you can achieve in your life.
What limiting belief might be holding you back right now? And what might be possible when it’s gone? The Natural Confidence Program can help you find out.
