Why Valentine’s Day became painful for me (and how I healed the emotional wound)

Valentine’s Day was once an occasion that produced lots of joy in my life.

Morty and I before our Valentine’s Day party.

Every year, I held a lavish Valentine’s Day party. I would decorate the house, bake 15 beautiful desserts (I had to tell all my non-sugar eating friends that this was their time to splurge). Cosmo’s and wine were served. Heart-shaped candles filled the room and flowers were everywhere. And I had the best Valentine on earth, my beloved Morty. We had this party every year for 15 years. People flew in from LA, and Denver to attend. My party was “the” Valentine’s party according to all my friends.

But despite all the fun, I stopped having Valentine’s parties in 2016.

Why? On Oct 14th, 2015 my husband, Morty, died. I had lost the love of my life. So when February came around the next year, I was no longer looking forward to Valentine’s Day. In fact, I began to dread it. The thought of having the party without Morty hadn’t even crossed my mind. Why would I? I didn’t have a valentine with whom to celebrate.

This week, I realized it was that dreaded time again.

But this time I chose to do something different about these thoughts and feelings. I had been thinking that since Morty was gone I couldn’t celebrate love. I decided to dissolve that thought using the Occurring Process.

After the meaning dissolved, I became grateful for all the love in my life.

The love that I shared with Morty for 35 years. The love of my daughters and grandson. The love that I feel for my women’s group and for all of my friends. The love that I feel and receive from my wonderful clients. The love that I feel for Rodney and Amy (my staff). The love of my two best friends of 53 years. The love of my brother, my nieces and nephews. And the love I receive from those of you who let me know how much our work has helped your lives.

Since I dissolved the meaning that I can’t celebrate love without Morty, my feelings towards Valentine’s Day have changed. The dread is gone. Instead, I feel blessed. Dissolving meaning allowed me to feel gratitude and shifted my perception by 180 degrees.

I may even send myself some roses this year.

Happy Valentine’s Day! I wish you love.

Shelly

P.S. You can read more about how to dissolve occurrings (meanings we make in the moment) by reading this article: https://www.mortylefkoe.com/four-steps-clearing-negativity-mind/

By Shelly LefkoePublished On: Wednesday, February 12, 2020Categories: Occurring1 Comment

Cecilia February 20, 2020 at 1:07 am - Reply

What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing your story, and happy (belated) Valentines <3

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I receive an overwhelming number of daily emails linking to blogs, most of which I glance at and delete. I actually read most of Morty’s and Shelly’s. They write well about fascinating ideas and teachings. They have a clear, intelligent logical approach, and more importantly write from experience with heart, warmth, honesty and vulnerability.

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Just a quick note to thank you for your weekly insightfulness and addition to your courses through your weekly blog. I find it helpful to read your blog weekly as it reinforces the work that we have done together. I see the value in it for those who have not participated in your work. It gives them a place to enter the conversation and begin to glean a new understanding of themselves and others around them. Most of all thank you for contributing to my life and those you are reaching. To a prosperous and joyous 2014.

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I've been reading Morty's blog off and on for about 3 years and I have to say that it is the best source of self improvement information out there today. Every week, he posts a new article full of content on how you can improve yourself and your life by eliminating the beliefs and meanings we give in every moment of our lives each and everyday. The blog articles stretch my perception of reality, and how I view the world.

Mortylefkoe.com is an incredible resource of information - sort of an encyclopedia of personal development. I often use the search tool to read articles in reference to certain topics I'm curious about or am working on in my life. Practically any topic you might be curious about, Morty has an article chuck full of life-altering information in it. It is an almost never-ending source of information and actionable steps to improve your life.

No matter how well you know Morty and his work, you will learn a TON from it and grow as a person. It is a great intro to his work, as well as a great way to dive deeper. I am personally very grateful that he continues to write in it his new thoughts and techniques. It has helped me incredibly in my life!

There's more actionable advice in Morty's blog than in most of the self-help books out there (I know because I've read most of them). Plus it's free. So I urge you to start reading it, today!

-Matt Johnson

I never miss Morty's weekly blogs. They put his work into concise and clear terms. He shows how the Lefkoe Method applies to a myriad of real human situations that cause suffering to most people. He explains how to eliminate this suffering by eliminating the core beliefs that fuel it such as "I'm a failure." He also demonstrates how his method differs from psychotherapy and is often more effective at producing long-lasting change in less time. … The blogs are different from his other services or products in that you don't need to buy them, schedule a session, or order a book. They are … brief, reader-friendly language, enough to read on a 10 minute break from work, for instance. The best part is I've seen positive changes in my own life that come directly from his blogs. This means a lot coming from a psychotherapist trained extensively in models of psychotherapy. I've also found them useful in my work with my own clients and to complement many theories of psychotherapy. I could go on effusively about Morty's magnificent blogs but I think I've already made my point.

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Thank you! I've read and considered the concept of creating my own world many many times but this is the first time I've actually experienced and felt it at my core. As you point out, it is one thing to know something intellectually and another to actually feel it and fully believe it. Thank you so much. This was truly a positive life changing experience. I will pass it on to all of my friends. I wish you every happiness and continued success.

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I have to tell you that you really broke something open for me when you shared your story about creating obstacles for yourself, because you thought your value was in how hard you could work to overcome those obstacles. Listening to you was a major "Aha!" moment for me - I realized I had been doing the same thing! I've experience enormous and recurring relief, knowing that I don't ever have to struggle again, and I'm perfectly worthwhile. Opportunities that I have been wanting for a long time have come pouring through the door since that "Aha!" moment...so thank you for putting your material out into the world!"

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Why Valentine’s Day became painful for me (and how I healed the emotional wound)

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