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Thank you very much for the overwhelming response to my request last week for blog topics. The questions that seem to have universal appeal I will answer in my weekly blog. Comments and questions that deal with specific personal issues I will respond to directly as soon as possible.
This week I will answer a question I hear frequently in various forms: What should I do to get what I want?
To begin with, there is no single “right” way to accomplish anything. What works for some people, won’t necessarily work for others. And what is effective today, won’t necessarily be effective tomorrow.
Personal qualities determine success
One common technique people use to figure out how to achieve their goals is to copy the behavior of successful people. Unfortunately, more often than not that technique doesn’t work. Why?
Because successful people are successful because of who they are, not merely what they do. Obviously they do things, but their doing is a function of their being, not a function of “rules for success.”
So what “are” successful people? In Success Built to Last, by Jerry Porras, Stewart Emery, and Mark Thompson, a must-read book about what is in common among over 200 “enduringly successful people,” the authors offer a definition of personal success based on what these people told them: “ … a life and work that brings personal fulfillment and lasting relationships and makes a difference in the world in which they live.”
I like what the book’s authors say about the conventional definition of success: “Folks who chase a fantastic but vain hope for fame, wealth, and power—for its own sake—may even achieve it, only to become miserable and pathetic people. … we think that the current definition of success is a potentially toxic prescription for your life and work. It is a description that makes you feel more like a failure than a success if it’s the standard against which all meaning in your life is measured.”
Let me quote a few more passages from this book that describe these enduringly successful people so you can discover who these people are, rather than what they do.
These people “insist that success may never come without a compelling personal commitment to something you care about and would be willing to do, with or without counting on wealth, fame, power, or public acceptance as an outcome.”
“What you do must matter deeply to you …. It’s something that you’re so passionate about that you lose all track of time when you do it. … In fact, you could not be paid to not do it.”
Another essential element is “a highly developed sense of accountability, audacity, passion, and responsible optimism. … Steve Jobs told us in an interview back before his famous ad campaign: Enduringly successful people ‘think different.’” (Emphasis added.)
They welcome failure
One of the most important qualities of these enduringly successful people is that they “drone on endlessly about learning from their mistakes. … Every experience teaches something. They don’t use a weakness or a setback to distrust themselves. … The question is not whether or not they won this round, but what do they do with the feedback. … Although these people probably worked more hours a day than most people are willing to, they were not successful because they worked harder than others or even because they knew better than others what to do. They operated out of their passion and commitment to make a difference. They didn’t care what others thought. They courted failure as a way to learn what to do better the next time. What these people have in common is an absence of the negative beliefs that would cause them to fear failure and need acceptance, personal qualities that stop most people. “They just tolerate the risks, feel the fear, take the brick-bats, learn from failure, and do what matters to them anyway.” Implement what emerges But, you might still be asking: What is their standard for deciding what to do? With their vision and commitment as a context, their actions are driven by their answer to the question: What behavior is appropriate to further my passion? They do whatever is appropriate at the moment, i.e., their behavior is a function of their vision and commitment, not something copied from others or from a list of “best practices.” They take advantage of what emerges, moment by moment. You see, when you live your passion, you are always looking for how to manifest it in the world. As opportunities emerge, act on them. Some opportunities will prove fruitful. Build on them. Some won’t. Learn from them. Are you willing to do what’s necessary? Are you starting to get a sense that people who are successful over a long period of time are not like most people? If you really want to be like these people, here are a few tips. Are you committed enough to use them? 1. Get rid of any negative beliefs and conditionings that impair your confidence, that have you worry about what others think, that have you act to gain “their” approval, and that have you fear failure and rejection. 2. Get in touch with who you really are, namely, the consciousness that always was and always will be. In my terms, the creator of your creation. You can use my “Who Am I Really?” Process to help you experience this state, where you also will experience on a very deep level that life has “already turned out” and that material success is not required for true success. 3. Discover what you are passionate about. A book written by two friends of mine that should be helpful is The Passion Test, by Janet and Chris Attwood. 4. Have your life be about living your passion and making a contribution to others. Put more of your focus on the journey than on the destination. 5. Learn how to distinguish between reality and how reality “occurs” to you, and then dissolve your occurring. Because events as such have no meaning, they can never cause any feelings, including fear, the biggest roadblock to taking action. So learning how to dissolve your occurring and deal only with unvarnished reality will enable you to banish fear from your life. (See http://occurringcourse.com/how-occurring-works/ for more details on “occurring.”) If you do all of this, who knows, you might be featured in the next edition of Success Built to Last. Please share below any comments you have on my thoughts on what you should do to get what you want. These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free. To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/store/natural-confidence.php. copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe
Hey Morty
One of your best posts yet. Couldn’t agree more and it’s a rare thing when I agree with anyone in the self help industry. lol
IN FACT SOMETIMES i RUN FROM MY DREAMS AND BE AFRAID OF TO BE REJECTED AND CRITICIZED, THAT I DON´T KNOW REALLT WHAT I WANT IN LIFE I AM TOTALLY LOST
Joao
I don’t know you but what I do know is you have to be persistent. I’ve discovered it’s a step by step process and if you can break it down into bite sized chunks you’ll build momentum. Even if you hit a wall or fall down you’ll have all those positive steps behind you to support you in your quest.
DEAR MORTY THIS IS JUST BECOME THINGS WORST, I AM FEELING BAD FOR KNOWING I WILL NEVER BE DO OR HAVE ANYTHIGN, JUST BECAUSE I AMNNOT HOW THOSE EXAMPLES YOU SHOW
Hi Morty,
I heard about you just two days ago from ‘Steve Pavlina Site’ . I am following lots of self-help blogs, sites and twits at the same time. Most of the times common things are shared but language gives them different meaning. Recently, finally I have found a way that seemed effective to me to follow my path. It seems instantly rewarding, risk free and it is helping me to take constant action. Your blog reassures me about by decision. But as an experienced person you can judge whether it is right or wrong. The rule I set for myself is, “Don’t chase your goal or dream. Just be the person who can achieve this goal”. So I am creating an image- ‘what qualities create the man that I want to be. What are the things that a man has to do to achieve those qualities’. I am trying to apply it in everything I am dealing with. I am not trying to quit smoking anymore, I am just trying to be a person who does not smoke. No smoking quitting techniques ever worked for me. But, by trying to be a different person gives me a feeling that I am improving. Whether I can quit smoking or not. I am getting my rewards. Shifting my attention from goal achievement to self-building gives me an inner peace as I know, in this way I will never loose my grip when I will be successful.
Thank you.
Yusuf
Hi Yusuf,
What you are doing makes a lot of sense to me.
The only caveat is that if you have beliefs in the way it will be very difficult to do what you intend to do. You can’t experience yourself as a successful person if you believe I’m not good enough, I’m a failure, I’ll never get what I want, etc.
So make sure you eliminate all the beliefs that could get in the way of you experiencing yourself the way you want to experience yourself.
Love, Morty
Marty can I use this in my newsletter to the kids?
Hi Joy,
Please feel free to use it as long as you tell people where it came from.
I hope it is useful to the kids who read your newsletter.
Love, Morty
Hi, Morty,
Another great article. I believe in it whole heartedly. BUT, I’ve been working my passion for over 38 years as an artist in forged metals, an artist-blacksmith, and most of the time it has been a struggle. It’s a real love, but hard to do something new with out thinking about “will or how will it sell?” Now I’ve been laid off for 2 years from my day job and the unemployment has run out. I believe it’s an opportunity somehow yet haven’t found the next step. I have tried so many avenues from sculpture to belt buckles to teaching. Even wrote a successful how-to book on forging, but still not enough to make a living. At this point I don’t know where to go or what to do. Plus when your financially down it has been hard to move on. Any leads would be greatlly appreciated.
Hi Randy,
Sorry, I have no specific suggestions.
When things have gotten tough for me, I look to see what limiting beliefs I might have in the way, I get in touch with my passion, and then I figure out what specifically I can do to manifest my passion in a way that will get people to give me money for value offered to them.
I wish I could be more helpful. I wish you the best.
Love, Morty
Thanks for this outstanding article and your beliefs program.
Hi Dean,
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Love, Morty
Hey Morty this post matches perfectly what i was already feeling is the secret of lasting and genuine succes; wich i think is the only worthy succes. i have been facinated by succes and highly succesful people for more than seven years. and i always knew that i am not different at all from all those succesful people and i can be succesful too even more than them. still i can’t take all the constraints some of those succesful people have been facing in their achievement process. so pretty recently i started feeling as to be successful and happy you have to become the success
Hi Paul,
Actually I think that you start feeling successful (feeling good enough, powerful, worthwhile — in other words, a strong positive sense of yourself and life) and then that leads to success in the world (however you define it).
Love, Morty
Morty,
This is a very original and extremely insightful take on personal success. Thank you!
Garrett
Hi Garrett,
Glad you found this post useful.
Love, Morty
Thank you dear Morty for this amazing post. I totally agree with every word in it, and I believe that getting rid of limiting beliefs may result in tremendous progress in one’s personal path. All the pieces of advice in this post are extremely valuable and I am personally willing to follow all of them.
Thank you again and awaiting your coming wonderful posts :)
Hi Karima,
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Have you taken advantage of the program that eliminates three of the most common limiting belief for free? http://recreateyourlife.com
Love, Morty
Thank you so much for making your method free, you are a generous and wonderful human being. You are saving a life of misery and I’m sure that getting rid of my bad beliefs I’ll grow more and more to benefit humanity and give free useful and blessed stuffs to people also, the way you did to me.
Hi Mika,
Our commitment is to make as big a difference in people’s lives as we can.
We give away what we can and then charge a little for additional products. Our goal is to make our products as inexpensive as possible so they are available to anyone who really wants them.
Love, Morty
Hey Morty
What To Say
Its Just Just a Master Key To Achieve What We Want
Thanks It will be very helpful to me
I will Reply my Outcomes to You
Hi Arpan,
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Please continue to stay in touch.
Love, Morty
Hi Morty, this is good :) I was skeptical when I read the title, because what we want is not always what we need, what’s best for us or others involved, or what serves God (and that’s important to me). But here you are talking about living a life of passion that is giving to others, and that tends to encompass all these.
I like it because, when we live our passion, we do what God gave us to do on earth, and (therefore) what makes us joyful (because I believe that God gives us gifts that make us joyful!). We are present to be a gift in every moment just by being who we are. And when we combine this with giving to others, then we make sure we are doing what’s best for us and others, both, and this all serves God!
When “what we want” is selfish and excessive and is not involved with giving or living our passions, then I don’t think we should pursue it. I would add to what you wrote: and listen to the still small voice within you, guiding you to choose love in every moment.
Thanks for your work!
Sincerely, Rachel Edan One Love (REOL).
Hi Rachel,
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Your voice makes a real contribution to all who read this blog.
Love, Morty
Dear Morty,
I have read your recent blog and a lot of others. They are always excellent and bear reading again and again. I apologise for not replying each one, but want to tell you that they are very welcome and I look forward to them and enjoy them thoroughly.
I also want to tell you how much I appreciate your tireless commitment to keeping them coming and helping lots and lots of people like me.
You will be truely blessed.
God bless you,
Love and hugs
Kiran
Hi Kiran,
No need to reply to all. I appreciate the time you take to respond when you do.
It is nice to know that what I write and create is useful for people as that is my goal.
Love, Morty
Marty this is excellent. Its nice to see that according to you I am on the right track to get what I want. Nice confermation. Will look forward to sharing this with my kids. By the way the project is growing. We went from 32 kids to 300 last year. This year it looks like we will have about 1100-1500 kids. Now all we have to do is get funding for the project. Either way this is going to happen. The kids in my project after paying all their living expenses saved $135,000 towards their college education (if only it was real money). they are learning the value of an education and personal financial literacy.
Wow, this looks great! What are you doing with the kids? I’m a teacher also (I teach English to adult, illiterate former refugees. )
I wonder if there’s a group somewhere near you that would partner with you, to provide financing, so that those kids really CAN use real money. Maybe if they showed they could be responsible in your program, they could be chosen to get grants… just thinking, how, in a lot of third world countries, microfinancing allows people (a lot of women) to buy start up flocks of chickens, etc, to start a business selling eggs, for example. Maybe it’s possible to do that.
Maybe some corporation would sponsor it – which has its own problems, but would give you some money – you could award it to the 3 kids each year who are most responsible with their money… or do a draw. Blessings, Rachel.
Hi Joy,
Trust that this materiel also was useful for “your kids.”
Good luck with the project.
Love, Morty
Is there anything you don’t give good advice about? Thanks for being amazing… And thanks for always encouraging me to go big and make my life work.
Love you heaps,
Blake
Blake,
Thanks for allowing me to make a difference in your life … for always being open to learning and growing.
It truly has been an honor to be your dad.
Love, DAD
Expertly stated, Morty! Once again you have captured the essence of a successful life, as you and I beleive it to be. It may not always bring wealth, or happiness all of the time, or be coloured in superlatives each and every day. But it is a brilliant journey with hills and valleys, times to remember and times that one never forgets. And it is a life lived so fully that there are never enough hours in each and every day to accomplish all that your passion and drive would have you achieve. That energy gives the determination to awaken with renewed vigor to start again tomorrow and for the rest of tomorrows even until the end. Sometimes it takes you to the end of your own personal rainbow. Mine looks like this: http://www.daleharvey.co.nz
Hi Dale,
Yes, the journey is great regardless of the destination. And we spend more time on the journey than at the destination, so we might as well enjoy the ride.
Love, Morty
Loved this entry. Have emailed the passages that most jumped out at me to friends (along with a link to this page, of course). Here are those parts:
Successful people have:
“a highly developed sense of accountability, audacity, passion, and responsible optimism. …”
One of the most important qualities of enduringly successful people is that they “drone on endlessly about learning from their mistakes. … Every experience teaches something. They don’t use a weakness or a setback to distrust themselves. … The question is not whether or not they won this round, but what do they do with the feedback. … [They] find it irresistible to try, fail, improve; they try again, fail again, and get even better.” (Emphasis added.)
But it’s not just these quotes – I appreciated the entire entry.
As someone who has lived – and is living – a very passion-centered life, and as someone who is often frustrated by the strong emphasis on “get wealth now” by so many so-called gurus, I tremendously appreciated the validation of living a passion-centered life, and also, of course, take care of the inner impediments that block living such a life well.
Again, thanks. Elsa
Hi Elsa,
Sometimes a little outside validation helps even when we knew deep inside that what we are doing is right for us.
Glad I could provide the validation.
Love, Morty
Thank you Morty!
Hi Jonathan,
You’re welcome.
Love, Morty
Thanx Morty! this was very helpfull for me….I`ll try.
Hi Shahrzad,
Go for it.
Love, Morty
Yeah Morty!! This article kicks ASS!!!!! I feel good after reading this article!!
Hi Jeff,
Thanks for taking the time to write. I’m glad you found this post useful.
Love, Morty